Another Tuesday

Somehow it’s February. My resolutions are all but shattered remnants of hopes and dreams. My crush is back and that’s given me a hope and good thoughts of a clean slate with just enough lack in faith to fall into old ruts.

The house is dirty, my car is a mess, I haven’t worked out and I ate guacamole and bacon for dinner tonight. I signed up for Nutrisystem. They send me food and I don’t bother with shopping or cooking. Let’s recap, I made guacamole and microwaved bacon for dinner. I haven’t gotten any do I don’t know if it’s good yet.

The crush is in town tomorrow night. He’ll be around Thursday. Told me today he’d be in town for a week, but I’m leaving. Fate- you evil bitch.

Granted who’s to say we would even see each other potentially this weekend but you can’t see each other if you aren’t in the same town. Insert frowny face.

It’s all I’ve got right now. But at least I can look forward to a weekend with friends. That will be exciting.

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No sleep thoughts

Over the weekend I thought about my crush. Last I heard from him he thought about coming back this week. He had planned to see me again before he left on Friday.

He couldn’t come back to the office on Friday, and as of Monday there were no plans to come back this week.

While this shouldn’t be any sign of something wrong, I tend to assume the worst. In a study I read, women’s brains typically over analyzed situations and took the blame upon themselves regardless of the situation. I am a statistic in this exact case.

On Monday there were things happening that were not part of my project but affected my subcontractor. The customer explained the situation with more details than I truly needed to know. I called the sub, my crush, and gave him the same details. He got pretty upset, rightfully so as he was being blamed for something pretty awful. He texted me afterwards but that was our last interaction. All my brain can think is that he would interpret our last phone call as negative. Again, I’m sure this is not the case but I have concern. I’ve been preventing myself from calling or texting to ask how he is. The mothering suffocating handholding that can kill a relationship, which we don’t have.

My other concern is that I’ve withheld information from my boss about this sub being back. I asked the customer to tell him. I’m waiting on the backlash. None of the conversations my boss and I had yesterday were good. I got emotional, and cranky, on all of them which seemed to annoy him. I was out of town at my other project. I don’t know if the customer even had the conversation with him either but again my emotions are guilt, shame, concern, and fear.

I know I’m putting my emotions with the subcontractor before my job. I really have built my career and I’m potentially damaging it because I have a crush. On the other hand, I really like this guy and he’s shown interest in me- real interest others have seen. I’ve been single for 3 years with crushes on people showing no interest. When do I get to have a personal life? Am I willing to have my career in jeopardy over it though? Or will I have a career but no family?

Granted this is just a crush. It’s nothing more at this point. I’m slightly scared for tomorrow. It’s now 2:30 am and I’m wide awake. I’ve got 3 hours at best to still sleep. Wish me luck.

Busy

I’ve been so busy with work. Yesterday I was up until 11 pm writing contracts. Today I started work at 7:30 and chatted with a co-worker until 4:30p when another coworker suggested getting dinner. I got noting done. We laughed, we discussed work, it was a good time. I’m now in bed and thinking about the cute boy I met today. Just through work but he was cute. Not hot like the electrician but cute. 

I also heard news about the electrician. When we first reached out to him, my coworker got his vm. It was a girl’s voice. He was in Cancun with his gf. Sooo just before I met him he had a gf. News to me. 

This new guy I’ll see tomorrow but I don’t know if I’ll see him after. I know I’ve seen him on match or tinder before. He’s adorable like a teddy bear. Every time I’d steal glances at him, I noticed he’d look back at me. Cute!

We’ll see if anything comes from it. 

So sleepy

Featured image: setting sun from the car. No filter or alterations 

Today was a busy day walking through city buildings. I got to see the inside of two fire houses, be on top of the ice arena roof, and check out the boilers heating our city hall. It was sunny and warm, walking around without a jacket in the high 50 degrees. In 2 days we’re supposed to get a foot of snow. 

Got to enjoy the weather while I can.