Two weeks

Featured image: a calm Lake Superior looking innocent as a swimming pool

Oh Boy. Don’t think I’ve given up on you. I’ve thought about posting. I had thoughts to tell you. But I have been pulling 12-14 hour days for work. 

We’re developing a large project and everyone is out of time. I’m still out of time. In the past, well over a month, I’ve only missed 3 days of walking. Today is my 4th though I was active for work. Well, more than normal. 

Things have been exciting and crazy and drunken. I went to Chicago, saw Everclear, went to a German Fest, ran into an old HS friend. I went kayaking. It’s been 85 down to 52 degrees outside. There have been thunder and lighting storms, rain and full sunny days. Whoo, I mean so much!

But I’m still working. It’s 9 pm. I need to take the garbage out cuz I skipped it last week. I also need to do laundry and more work and dishes and pick up the house for the potential new dog sitter tomorrow. 

Oh yea, and more work. 

I have 2 more weeks before I leave for my epic vacation. But 1 more week before I leave my house to strangers for 3 weeks while they pet sit for me. 

Ekk. 

Ok. Back to work. I’ll be sure to try harder to take a minute to post. Especially while on my trip!

Work phones and sexting

Featured photo: a text I woke up to

Yesterday was the 5th of May. Every year I pull out the quesadilla maker I got for free from my Best friend’s-ex boyfriend’s-roommate who moved out and left it behind. Yup. Free quesadilla maker. 

I had quite a spread of veggies, beans, peppers and tons of cheese. Friends brought ice cream, salsa, chips, re fried beans. My vegan friend brought his fake cheese. 

We ate, we drank, I swore a lot when talking about our one mutual friend who has chosen to ignore us all, and it was fun.  This morning I got a text message. It was more spicy than the jalapeños I had chopped up from last night. 

This text was from a cute boy, he’s got an old dog that’s adorable, he brings him to work with him. We walked through the camp ground, which isn’t opened yet, talking and walking with his dog. 

But. 

This cute guy is a potential sub contractor. That walk… that was for work and the talking was about quotes for work I’d like him to do for a project, and not a personal contract. He texted at 7 am on a Saturday. I guarantee this text wasn’t for me. 

I’ve gotten texts that weren’t meant for me before. My only phone is a work phone that I can use for personal because I pay a small monthly fee for it. It is dangerous having it on me at all times, butt dialing my boss while drinking, worrying I shared my personal social media with business contacts, etc. Also, I work in Construction. I’m a female manager working, usually, with all men. Balancing what is legally sexual harassment and just un-PC jokes is a daily part of my job. But I handle it all with a touch of, ‘this is construction’ and ‘am I actually offended?’

I’ve gotten a text saying, “I love you” or “I’ll see you soon” but never something so sexual. Every time I’ve replied, ‘haha this isn’t for me’ but this was still different. Most times the text came from someone I knew was married, that I had been working with for a while and we had a working relationship that we could laugh it off. This one is from someone I’ve met twice, googled and realized is single and a similar age. I think he’s really cute. So part of me wouldn’t mind if it was actually meant for me but…

It wasn’t sent drunkenly, it was sent at 7am. There was no sort of context to make it make sense. Being that he’s cute and I’d wish it was meant for me… I still haven’t responded. I didn’t say , hey this wasn’t meant for me. I thought he’d speak up but nothing. 

I think I have to respond, maybe on Monday? Maybe just ignore it? I just don’t know what to do. 

I feel like I’m making it more awkward for myself. I’m not offended by it, honestly it makes me more attracted to him. But how do you separate work and personal? How do you coexist when one wrong documented text can be held against you and your career? I haven’t figured that out. 

May 4

Featured photo: the lone flower I didn’t transplant to the new flower bed last fall. 

I’m stressed. Work is piling up and for some reason I’m exhausted. Beyond that I realized I promised a good friend I’d come back to Chicago to see a concert in a month. 2 weeks later I’m supposed to be at my parents for their 50th wedding anniversary and 1 week after that I start my 2 week vacation. I also just got tickets to see John Mayer again in September, back in Chicago. 

Besides all the travel and eating out, I pay for a dog/house sitter. It adds up fast. 

Yesterday I went on a hike with good friends. It was incredibly short but my dog came with and he got to run leash free. He loved it. Then we went out to eat. My day was done and I was so tired I immediately went to bed. Sleep was solid and blissful. Unfortunately tho, my house isn’t clean and people are coming over at 6 pm tomorrow. I’ve got walk throughs and paper work. House cleaning and cooking all before 6 pm. 

Sigh. 

I went shopping. I looked at labels, food labels. One small slice of Key lime pie is 65-85% of your daily value of saturated fat. I didn’t buy it. Instead I made chocolate chip cookies and potato chips for dinner.

And I wonder why I’m exhausted all the time….

Excitement 

Featured photo: the start of my landscaping work. 

Yesterday was a sunny 60+ degree day. I woke up late. I even had alarms set to begin my day but I couldn’t pull the motivation together. 

Finally I got to the store, stacked 297.5 lbs of pavers in my car along with 200lbs of sand, 300 lbs of topsoil and a baby chainsaw. I got home and started working, for 2 hours before showering, caking on some makeup and changing my outfit to a final; jeans, Misfits concert tee and pink converse with a maroon hoodie. Haha 37 be damned, I’ll dress like a teenager for life. 

My friends and I walked down to the brewery close by. It was a festival announcing spring with music and food-truck delights. After 2 hours I turned to my friend and said, it’s time you find me a man. As I said it I locked eyes with a cute boy. He turned around, realizing he actually knew my friend! They were old coworkers. Quick small talk and he quickly had his arm around my shoulders. It was a whirlwind conversation and I was completely smitten. He defended anything I said, talked up about any of my interests, and put his arm around me several times. 

He left to go to the bathroom and my friends said they were ready to leave. I said have fun, I’m staying! I found him again and for the next 3 hours we sat and talked and talked and talked. 

We have much more in common than I could imagine. We laughed, we drank, we flirted. He flat out told me he liked me and his confidence put mine to shame. We went back outside to the tent with the music, he ran into co-workers, they stepped away and I didn’t follow- he didn’t say he’d be right back or to come with, I was just … left. 

I was more than drunk, I was wasted by this point. Thinking I wanted to take him home but knowing full well my house was a maze of disorder. I’d be embarrassed to have friends over let alone a love interest! Plus, when you’re that drunk you can’t make good decisions. 

Being slightly sad, why did he seem so into me and then poof! Disapear? But also relieved. Relieved I could leave and no awkward goodbye no nothing. Cut all ties and not worry about what could be or should be. 

It was exciting and terrifying. He was 10 years my junior, he’ll be 28 in August. But oh so adorable. He thought I was his age or younger and that only made it that much more exciting. We did become Facebook friends, and my friends think I should write him my phone number, but I also think he could do the same. 

My thought is to give it a week and see if he reaches out to me. I mean with his confidence, if he was interested, wouldn’t you have thought to ask me for my number? Wouldn’t he have messaged me on FB and wondered where I went?

Regardless it should be good motivation to clean this place up!

Diets make me cranky

Featured photo: the waves on the lake

Tomorrow is a big day. I mentioned to my friends that I’m going to get nearly 100 pavers to edge my flower beds. That’s a lot of work I just talked myself into. Digging and hauling around 100 pavers. 

Well. Good luck to me actually doing it all. 

No Quitting is what I should be saying to myself but I lack the motivation to give myself a pep talk right now. 

I blame the lack of desserts and my dieting mindset currently. 

Push

Featured photo: my now organized pantry

I didn’t take many photos today but I wanted to share something. I organized my pantry. Bought the little shelves and suddenly everything has a place rather than a mountain of stuff. It still might look like a mountain of stuff but I assure you, I’m now no longer fearful of attempting to find anything in there. 

Other than that, I figured out the amount needed of pavers to make/edge some flower beds. I realized it was past 10 pm but decided I should walk my dog. Get in some exercise and give the dog what he wants too. 

The night sky was amazing and I only wish I could capture it exactly the way I see it. The clouds were mostly non existent and even without a full moon the stars are ridiculously bright. The sky was a mix of black and dark green. 

I didn’t go our usual way, I wanted a shorter walk. After a few blocks I thought about turning around. It was cold, 29, and I only had on a spring jacket. Thankfully I had grabbed a hat and gloves tho. 

I forced myself to complete the walk and I’m super happy I did. Two goals and two successes. I also came home and pigged out on mandarins, fresh ones so no guilt!

They were super delicious. 

Time

Featured photo: icy harbor in my town. Taken a few days ago. 

I always make the excuse that I have no time. I’m traveling, I work so much, I spend the weekends out. 

How can I clean or repair my house when I have no time. 

It’s a semi decent excuse but still a lie. I’ve been home for 1.5 weeks. My house, yup, still a mess. I realized how awful at first glance my house looks. A hanging planter , left upside down in the leaf covered flower bed. A electrical wire conduit flopped in the middle of a walkway outside. Broken solar spotlights and an old hose bib left by the front stairs. Bags of pebbles, firewood and random garbage at the end of the driveway. A broken plastic lawn chair in the backyard. What a mess! But I don’t have the time…

Today I bought a book on Audible, Maybe It’s You. It’s a self help book and I slightly listened to it while working. I get the gist that it’s cutting the crap with excuses and manning up to whatever it is that you are doing to prevent yourself from doing what you want or need to do. 

So at 4:30, with headphones in, I raked out all my flower beds that outline my property. Fall happened late this year after leaf pickup by the city. My yard is matted with blankets of wet old leaves. I then picked up a lot of the trash, there is now a big blue bin at the end of my driveway, waiting for the city dump to open. 

It was an hour & 1/2 of labor. Though all the leaves in the backyard are still in the backyard. Just not in the flower beds. Baby steps. 

Regardless, it felt good to get my ass up and accomplish something. Now just to finish the job and every other piece of my life. 

One day. 

But it’s time for me to make the time and get on track with my life. One day is today. 

Ps. 1 full week logging points and staying (very close) to goal. Let’s keep the streak going!