Growing pains

My lower back is hurting. This is nothing new but its a different type of pain, more of a constant ache.

I started going to a chiropractor over a year ago. It did wonders. I used to have this pain in my lower back that prevented me from moving. It would be paralyzing almost- I feared movement, even to roll out of bed because of the shooting pains in my back.

After multiple snap sessions – like 80 zillion, my back was basically new. Now I only go once every two weeks and I’m not sure if the pain is coming back because I’m not going as much or just because I’m not moving. Perhaps both.

I am so sedentary. For a while there I was doing Yoga, going to the gym, walking my dog. Life was grand. Now work is so busy I’m glued to a chair and desk staring at a computer for 12 hours of my day. The time at my parents didn’t help but the increasing pain in my back started a few weeks ago.

Now I fear it may be part of a UTI. And if everything is inflamed in there – I’m sure my back is screaming alongside it.

I have antibiotics that were prescribed for my rosacea but they can be used for UTIs so I’m giving it a go. We’ll see how it goes for a week.

Black Friday was a few days ago. To celebrate I bought some glass tile to finally do my kitchen backsplash. A new cat fountain motor, a treat for my dog and something else that isn’t terribly exciting. None of it was on sale. More so I just ordered what was in my cart on Amazon.

I also ordered a 6 month membership to a local Yoga studio. It was a ridiculously good deal but very expensive none the less. Now I just need to find the time to go and make sure I’m using my pricy unlimited membership

Then I got home and decided F it. I’m going to be an adult and be exciting and go nuts on Black Friday. Though at that point it was Sunday but regardless – I spent $1,400 dollars that I don’t have to spend. Wacky Wild Go Crazy me! Ya, I got a new washer and dryer.

Seriously. I bought a new washer and dryer. But it is exciting. Still boring white but they should be more efficient. Hopefully I won’t fear my dryer catching on fire and burning my house down now. They also have this Steam option that is supposed to get the smell out of clothing. Exciting. Non Smelly clothes. I mean that’s the dream right?

Yea. Wacky Wild Adulthood. It’s almost 10 pm. I’m going to bed cuz my back hurts and I’m tired. Sigh.

This is why I’m single. hah

PS. my neighbor tried to introduce me to a boy. I acted like a jackass and ignored him while attempting to get my dog – I mean, not my fault my dog was being a jackass and not listening to me – but here is my sweet neighbor trying to introduce me and I’m just a jackass… Barg.

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A little effort

Today is the day we feast. I visit my family usually once a year. They live six hours away by car – and while that’s not entirely ridiculously far… when you travel for work for your job, sometimes you like to just sit still for a while.

They don’t celebrate many things – no Christmas or Halloween, no Thanksgiving or birthdays. So each year I use my Thanksgiving holiday of a 4 day weekend to come down and bring a turkey and ham and say – Oh boy, look at all this food! Guess we have to call the family over to eat it! They won’t do it on Thursday, any day other than Thursday.

Each year most of the family comply. A little effort on my part and I get a feast and see my family. Except my one sister-in-law and her children. I believe she thinks I’m an ‘evil’ person since I fully partake in Halloween. Like FULLY PARTAKE. Not like I sacrifice sheep or anything but I love skulls and creepy decorations. They however view this as the devil influencing my life. To each their own, but I am sad that I have a very small family, made smaller by religious viewpoints.

Today is the day – the day of Turkey and Ham and family. My parent’s live in an apartment complex that has a ‘clubhouse’. Its open to anyone in the complex. There is a small kitchen, tables, a couch, tv, and computers for general use. Here we can make the Turkey,  and across the way my Mother can make the ham in their oven, then bring it over. I am finally sitting by myself – out of my parents small one bedroom apartment. When I visit I sleep on an air mattress on the floor, in the living room between the couch and the TV. This upsets my father as all he does is sit on the couch and watch TV. Its enjoyable to be able to sit on a couch in this ‘clubhouse’, in a quiet room with no TV. The simple things you miss in life when they are taken away.

I sit here and think of the lack of exercise. The most I get is 2 steps to the bathroom and 2 steps back to a chair where I sit in their apartment. I don’t know this town well enough and there is no sidewalk to just explore. Outside of the complex is the highway. My father is in a wheelchair and doesn’t enjoy leaving the house. Even when he could walk he rarely did. So I think about the grease laden food my mother keeps feeding me. Dripping wet butter on muffins, greasy bacon, greasy eggs, she offered to make me a deli chicken sandwich and asked if I wanted Mayo and butter on the bread. I declined both.

My mother isn’t a bad cook, shes just become use to the disgusting habits of my father and I think she believes this is the norm now. Each day I look at my large thighs and hips, the new stretch marks on top of old ones on my belly and the people on the tv who are stick thin with perfect skin. While I see this I do nothing to change my habits, I sit in the chair and eat the greasy food and look for seconds out of boredom.

I also think about the fact that I haven’t dated anyone in years. YEARS. While it took me a long time to get over the hell my ex put me through – I’m over that. At least enough to start dating. But I look at dating profiles and constantly say none of them are good enough for me, simply based on the way they look or their occupation – but am I even good enough for any of them? Not even IRL but based on the few pictures I put up and the tiny description. Seriously, what right do I have to be on a high horse. I’m so afraid of finding the perfect relationship that I’m too afraid to even try. I guess I tell myself – what if I find someone and fall for them and then my make believe prince finds me?

I mean insanity right? I just need to try to go on a date to date – not to marry – not to have a baby but just to try to “Date”. I’m so confused with the – looking for something real vs – looking for a friend and possibly more. I mean, whats the difference? I understand some people just want to hook up. I don’t want that. But is there a simple – just looking to meet people and see if we click? Is that a thing?

My weight is my weak point. It always will be. I could drop 60 lbs in 40 weeks if I really really tried. Point in fact- – TRIED, effort here is the key missing factor of my life. And even 60 lbs would put me at College weight, which was still overweight. I’m probably closer to 100 lbs overweight but my goal is to lose 60 for happiness.

Effort is needed for friends too. I recently found out the Nutcracker ballet was coming back and asked my friends if they wanted to go. One by one they declined. I thought – maybe I’ll go by myself – refusing to miss out on things because I’m ‘alone’. Finally I made the effort – reached out to a friend of a friend and they accepted immediately! Yea! New Friend!

I need to keep this effort. Effort to exercise, effort to blog more, effort to eat an apple, effort to make friends, effort to give men a chance to be imperfect humans as I know I am,  effort to just DO.

So far I’ve been blogging the few days I’ve been at my parents. Is it boredom, is it my final break in life saying – YOU NEED TO CHANGE!. Is it the fact that I’ve got so much bottled up in my brain I just need a release? Is it that I finally realized I ran out of excuses. I’m not traveling crazy pants anymore. There is no need to eat out every meal. I need to save money hard core and pay off my credit cards and loans but to do that I can’t spend a $500 on eating out each month. It’s time I sit down and have an intervention with myself. But after today. Today is Turkey day and I get to eat all the food I want. Cuz thats what you do on Turkey day. I refuse to be upset as I say – I’ll start on Monday. Effort for Monday.

 

Being single in a sea of married couples

I know I’m not the last single person on the planet but at times it can feel that way. The loneliness isn’t the issue, its having every other coupled human feeling sad for you and reminding you how alone you are. Its getting the fact drilled back at you – you know you could get with this pathetic other loser who is alone and can’t seem to find anyone else to co-mingle with. Gee thanks, but I’m good, PS. you’re an Asshole.

That exact conversation hasn’t happened but I wish at least I could muster the part about calling people out. For instance my friend just got married. She had a ridiculously small wedding, close friends and family. She called me out when she played Single Ladies and said – you’re the ONLY SINGLE LADY HERE. You’re the only one not married so you have to dance to this – its your song!

I know she thought she was being hilarious – but she was being a flaming bitch.

Other friends like to point out how Sad it is that I’ll be spending a Christmas alone – ALONE! Fuck really? Am I alone? Oh Jesus let me get out the noose and find a step stool. Thanks jackass.

Why are married couples so dead set on pointing out the failures of single people? Why can’t people be single, be alone, and happy? Why can’t they just be?

Granted the same friend that is so upset I am alone is also a raging bitch when I talk about people I’m interested in or me thinking about hooking up with someone – but apparently I’m “Too Old” for one night stands. Oh Damn, I didn’t see that one in the rule book on life.

On the other hand – I’ve heard time and time again you are attracted to someone like your parents. It happened in my last relationship.

At first there were several red flags but I was so happy to be in a relationship I didn’t care. I wanted the relationship first and the companion second. I thought if I just brushed them aside that it could work – that things would change or maybe I could just change. Live and learn right?

Things were never great, things were always on the verge of disaster- but there was so much going on in both our lives. I was starting a new chapter in my life – I got the internship I was hoping for and just graduated college. He was coming back to college or err leaving college? I don’t remember. He wanted to go out West and begin his own new beginning. I wanted to stay planted and see what my internship could lead to.

In the end – 5 years down the road – he still wanted a new beginning elsewhere and I still wanted to remain planted. I was still making more money than him, we both had careers but I bought a house, got a dog, was raising his cats, had responsibilities and was 35 wanting to start a family. He was a man child with daddy issues and daydreams that were in the stars.

Things had been bad for years. I would think/talk about leaving him but my friends all said – you have to work, relationships are hard. They would tell me I needed to try harder. I needed to change.

I did change. By the end of our dying relationship -I was a shell of my former self. A weak, spent, overly manipulated shell trying to please everyone but myself. I was so broken I believed my ex when he told me I needed to sell my house and get rid of the cats he left me with, and my dog, because I could never make it on my own.

Granted I had been making it on my own while supporting  him along the way and the bastard had broken my spirit so far that I believed him that I couldn’t survive without him.

Today, as I sat here with my Mom and Dad I realize how my ex was with me is the same as how my Dad treats my Mom. He is mean, never kind, he treats her like dirt yet makes her wait on him hand and foot but also says things to her in a way that makes her feel like she is stupid. He ignores her when he wants but how dare she not be listening and obeying his every word. My Dad is a horrible person to my Mom. My Mom only wants to help, her every fiber in her body is to help you -get you food, get you something to drink, let me take the dog out, do your laundry etc.

I chose to cook, I told her I’d let the dog out – I would be an adult and she was almost sad. Her whole life has simply been as a maid, cook and butler to my father. I saw my own life while I was with my ex as that person. The exact same.

I wish I could take my Mom out of the situation – but I don’t know that she would experience the same joy as I did when I finally realized I was free of a giant leach draining me of money, time, and emotional energy. I love my Dad cuz he is my Dad and at times I dislike him for how shitty he treats my Mother.

It also makes me realize how happy I am to be alone. I know not all people are bad but honestly – its better to be on my own and supporting myself than on my hands and knees pleading for the support of someone else. The statement that I need to “Get yourself a Man” makes me want to punch people in the face. I’m very capable of buying, owning and maintaining a house – which I am doing, without a “Man”. I have a career which is pretty damn good and I dunno what more I could be doing if I had “a Man” in my life. Now a partner, a best friend, a baby daddy even – that could be pretty good – but I don’t need a fucking Man in my life to merely get by.  I’m doing pretty good on my own just being a female.

Hi

It’s been a while huh? Ya.

Halloween was spectacular. Two friends came up from Chicago and everyone got together drama free. We ate dinner then bar hopped in costume. It was great. We had a rainbow, Wayne and Garth, something creepy, Tobias Funke, Sally from Nightmare before Christmas and me -the Babadook. I can’t help but boast – my makeup was on-point. Many people didn’t know who I was but the people who had seen the movie were impressed. I was impressed. Yes- I am tooting my own horn.

Before Thanksgiving my little town was battered by Lake Superior and Category 1 Hurricane force winds. Yep – no hurricane but 70 mph plus winds. The waves on Superior were 30 feet at shore -3 story building tall waves on a lake! There was damage – but even worse, two people were swept away while they got to close to the Lake’s rage while watching the waves. Sad stuff.

Now it’s Thanksgiving. I drove down this morning to visit my family. I’ve got three days to visit family and then another day to drive back before crazy jam packed days at work.

On the way down I listened to a self help book. Written by someone in the FBI – its a guide on how to get people to trust and like you. This could be for work relations – like Sales people. It could be for relationships – friendships or love interests, the former is what I’m mostly interested in.

As I listened to the different ways you can make a person like you –  I realized that a lot of these came into play naturally with the Electron. As much as I try to get him off my mind I just can’t. I listened to a book called Click – an explanation of how people seem to just Click sometimes. That one really just said that when you share something personal, something that is intimate – people tend to trust you. They feel that you trust them enough to be so open, they feel a connection to you. Then you might Click. With this book he talks about all the ways you can create a friendship – generally over time rather than an instant connection. Frequent visits, proximity, compliments, similar interests, etc.

I realize that all of this just came naturally with the Electron. We truly did just click.

I told him how smart he was, how much he knew, a  few times. We both had dogs we adored. We lived around the corner from each other – though we never admitted it – it was just apparent from seeing each other. We both enjoyed boats and camping. He called me multiple times, usually asking some question but it usually came around full circle that he already knew the answer.

None of which was even a thought in my brain – it all just came natural. Now I figure he is in Re-hab with others going through the same situation as him. I can’t compare with that. The proximity is gone, the frequency is gone. Honestly, in his brain it may have all been a drug hazed memory that I even existed. I need to move on – but the proximity to a hot guy with so much in common? Slight to none.

I hope to at least start writing more. I have so much I want to get off my brain but its just whirling around up there.

 

I did it!

So I went to Yoga. My god if you’ve never tried it, go! Find a studio, talk to someone and find a peaceful flow. An easy beginning course for yoga. Take more than one class until you can loose your thoughts completely by solely focusing on your breathing. It’s not just lying there. It’s becoming one with your thoughts. About being peaceful and kind to your mind and body. It’s about stretching , strengthening, becoming more limber and lean. About feeling good. 

I feel amazing. My back pain is better. My body feels good, my brain calmed down. All good stuff!!

Tomorrow I head to Wisconsin. Need to pack for the week let’s do this!! But sleep first. 

Step one

Featured photo: a scenic stop sign

I should look but I’m sure I’ve said step one multiple times before. But let’s cut to the chase, I signed up for a yoga class tomorrow. 

I love yoga and it often helps me build my core, build strength, add flexibility, want to eat better and work out more and I lose weight. Plus it’s a great stress reliever and helps with my lower back pain. 

Lately, my always-regular periods have been out of whack. My back pain has been increasing. My moods have been shaky too. I can’t keep my house clean, often stressing that it’s so messy I can’t even handle it. I’ve been eating and shopping to cope with my stress. Never a good option. 

So a next step. The class is scheduled for tomorrow. I have to go now. No excuses. 

I need a focal point. I need structure to my life. I need a change. Today I ate ice cream and Halloween candy all day. I took the dog for a walk but otherwise I watched tv. I spent $200 between beauty products and bed sheets. I’m not managing my life as much as I’m just trying to escape it. 

This job is intense. It’s big and complex and I’m not prepared. Add in the fact that I got emotionally connected to a person I met three times and spoke on the phone a ton, and I’m just kinda falling apart. My friends aren’t around as much. Attempting to make new ones has been difficult. Online dating is getting me nowhere. Granted, I’m not giving it all my might. I’m not saying it’s worthless. It’s just another battle in my struggle that I’m finding a touch overwhelming at the moment. 

But. Yoga. Tomorrow. I’m very proud I hit schedule. I hate trying new things alone but I’m fed up and I need to start pushing my comfort zone for a healthy change. My body doesn’t make me happy. And I fear that my doctor will tell me if I don’t lose the weight that I’ll become diabetic. I don’t want that. 

I’ll admit another reason. It’s guys. My friends made fun of me for wearing a hoodie and T-shirt to the bar. It was really upsetting. But what am I supposed to wear? A dress? A snug top fitted to my rolls? 

It’s bad enough several work tops don’t fit. They have shrunk or I’ve just gotten too fat.  I’ve attempted diets and “eating healthy” but exercise sometimes pulls me in. I get my body moving and I want to keep moving then I want to feed it healthy stuff. I have almost 100 lbs to lose. 40 would make me insanely happy. 20 would also be a grand start. But it’s not going to happen without a step. 

Wish me luck. Again. 

Friday the 13th

They say another Friday the 13th won’t happen in October until 2023 or something. I’ll be 43. Sigh. 

My day was fine. I met with my hot electricians mother. Now this may seem weird or maybe you have no idea what I’m talking about. There was an extremely hot electrician that I was having bid on work for a project my company was putting together. He thought the work would be too much and never make the project, then texted me at 6 am asking if I wanted to get naked. I sssumed he just sent the text to the wrong person but he admitted (with a slew of compliments) that it was for me while he was drunk. And the question became, who is still drunk at 5 am? Usually I’m long pasted out at that point. 

Unfortunately my company was still interested in his bid, so I did not pursue him personally though the flirting (mutually) continued. For 1/2 year. Until he stopped texting me. The contracts were signed, work to be started and he was no where to be seen. His business is family owned. That’s where his mom gets involved. I’ve spoken with her quite a few times. And I’ve met her multiple times. Shes told me all about the family. Praising and explains that the son I had been dealing with had no children and wasn’t married. Excellent. 

Unfortunately it was in the news 2 weeks ago, he was arrested for several things, mostly possession of cocain. COCAIN. wtf. 

I had to make a very awkward call to his mother asking if the business would be ok and such. We got through it. She was pleasant. I felt horrible for asking. I really like his mom and his brother. His dad is ridiculously handsome for being older. That honestly has nothing to do with the rest but it’s still a legit statement. 

Yesterday I met her and she asked that we take a ride to another project site. While In my vehicle she told me all about how she became a master electrician. That she was one of the first in the State of Michigan. I now had even more respect for her. Then she brought up her son. She said she saw him and he looks a ton better. I wanted to ask what’s going to happen? Will he go to Prison? Is he still in jail? Was the cocain his? Wtf? But there’s work and there’s personal life and as damning as it is I really try to keep them separate. Plus, I just had a crush on her son. I dreamt I’d marry him but honestly we’re not even “friends”. Yet somehow I’m remarkably sad that this has happened. 

We stopped back to her car and I kept talking to her, somehow managing to bring him back up and her to talk. I remember saying, “Is he…” I wasn’t even sure how I could finish the question, or which question to ask but luckily she knew. She looked me in the eyes and said point blank, “My son has had a cocain problem for sometime”. 

Immediatly I could feel my face contorting to a look of shock mixed with sorrow. I think I softly said, I didn’t know, while looking at the ground. She told me he’s still in jail, she won’t bail him out but things are looking good for him and he’s looking better. His mood has improved and he is more positive. He immediatly asked about his two small newphews. He perked up when she started talking about the project because that is his life and he loves it. 

She told me she doesn’t know when he got into it or how. That his girlfriend had a problem with alcohol and they had recently broken up. He went downhill from there. Then with him in Milwaukee. She just really wasn’t sure what happened. 

She looked me in the eye a few more times, almost trying to find the answers for herself if I was a user. I don’t remember what she was saying but it was more of a mothers look, are you in trouble? Did you start this trouble? I remember looking away and talking softly again saying how much he helped me understand his scope. That we were texting a lot. I knew he was in Milwaukee, he had told me. 

In the end she told me, she saw her son in there, the old personality, caring about his family and the business and not hallowed out and robotic. I told her I was really happy, really good to hear he’s doing well. She told me it would be a year before he’s back. He’s staying in jail then going to rehab. 

It was a good conversation. It was one that isn’t between contractor and their sub. But that’s how it’s been all along. I really like this family. Maybe more than I should. 

Maybe it wasnt a spooky haunted Friday the 13th. Or maybe it was. I just can’t spend a year thinking about the one guy who I clicked with so immediatly. The one I share so many interests with. The one who understands the stresses of my job. The one who we started a disagreement and both got slightly heated with a misunderstanding but quickly resolved it. The one who was nothing like my ex. The one who loves kids and wants a family now. The one who I can’t stop thinking about when he’d keep stealing glances at me during a meeting and said my name every single time he’d say goodbye. 

Fuck man. 

Back in the saddle

I’ve rejoined the dating world. I promised myself I wouldn’t until I was comfortable with my weight but when will that day come? I don’t want to wait forever. I’m still spinning around with my head cut off trying to stay afloat. 

So I’ve joined match, tinder, okcupid, bagelmeetscoffee, and bumble. You think I could find somebody but I live in a very small area and sure there are guys old enough to be my dad liking my profile. There are 20 year old kids wanting to be friends which makes me wonder if there’s a mental disability there. It’s just weird. I had one conversation. He asked for my number, I got his and never heard from him again though he promised to text me the next day. So be it. Life in the dating world in 2017. 

I joined all the sites hoping to find my electrician. The job was under way and he seemed to be off the project. I thought it was my shot to pounce but his profile was gone. I had hoped to see him somewhere. I thought I had seen him at beer fest, with a girl but it didn’t look romantic. We seemed to be starring at each other and he even moved closer but I never got close enough to determine if it was him. Sigh. 

We had a meeting with the utility in town and one of the guys is completely my type. Tall, heavier set guy with a classically attractive face. Very manly. I had hopes of dealing with him more but that doesn’t seem to be happening. He’s on match and tinder but I had swiped left on him cuz I thought he might work for something with this project. I was very right. Sadly I don’t think he’s been on the website. I believe I saw him at the grocery store butt he was with a small child and a woman. I’m hoping it’s his sister but there is no way of knowing. Sad. 

In other horrific news, you know my electrician? The one I just mentioned above? The one I had deemed so perfect. The one I turned away though I wanted him so badly. The one I vowed to marry? He was arrested two weeks ago. Evading police, expired tags on his vehicle and cocaine with intent to sell. I can’t even fathom it. He may/probably will get prison time. Prison! He didn’t seem that stupid, I thought he was brilliant, he was caring and funny, witty… who am I kidding I thought he was the best of the best and interested in me. ME! But he may have been on coke. Maybe that explains the late night texts. The ballsey attitude by phone but in person the shy demeanor. Who knows. There were two other guys in the car with him. Two 21 year old which doesn’t make sense. He just should have known better. I’m incredibly sad. For me, for his family, for the business. I can only hope he gets his shit straight. I honestly wish him the best. He had a huge house, was co-owner and president of a well respected busy business. He was hot beyond my understanding. Now he’s probably going to prison for a felony. Wtf man. I just dunno. 

Other than the lack of dating life, though I’m out in full display… I’ve just been busy. Work is nuts. I’m attempting to get stuff done before the snow flies. I feel like I haven’t seen much of my friends except for a fire in my backyard last weekend. I cleaned my house just in time to trash it again. Luckily I actually got my yard decorated for Halloween and I feel pretty good about it. I’ve sold my dresser and replaced it with a vanity. I sold some Halloween decorations that only gave me stress by blowing over or away. My promotion went through, sadly with no back pay as I was hoping but it’s definitely more money which is great. Hopefully I can get my shit together enough to start yoga, loose some weight, find a new dad for my cats, they are my ex’s after all, and maybe have a date for New Years. 

The one thing I can thank my electrician for its giving me enough self esteem and finding self love in order to start the search for love. Maybe I don’t end up with him. Maybe he wasn’t right for me, but the universe still allowed him into my life to boost my spirits and remember that I can bag a hot guy. I’m smart, funny, beautiful, and fun to be around. I’m worth a good guy who can see it. I just have to see the good in him as well.

Hello October

Featured photo: an old desk I’m repurposing into a makeup vanity. 

October 1st was a beautiful day. It started chilly, warmed up with full sun to high 60s and ended on a cold note. But it was fantastic. 

I woke at 6:30 am and procrastinated in bed until almost 9. I thought, coffee first, and attempted to do almost anything to avoid mowing the lawn. I even thought about getting on here to talk about my procrastination skills. Instead I bit the bullet and mowed. My lawn, for a city property is actually pretty big. It takes me about 40 minutes to mow it. That doesn’t include trimming or sweeping or raking, cuz let’s be real, I don’t do any of that. 

After the lawn I wrestled this old, real wood desk out of my house to sand it. I bought it from an online post for $40. Usually I don’t like to paint wood, but it needed some touch up and I wasn’t about to re-stain the whole thing. Lots of sanding and 4 cans of spray paint later it was done. Now I’m under the covers with paint fumes invading my bedroom. I’ve got the window wide open hoping to air out the space but my lungs aren’t too pleased. 

I didn’t do laundry or clean the bathroom. I did clean out the sink but it’s filled with dirty dishes again.  I was planning on eating every meal at home, I talked myself out of take out, I had cooked dinner when a friend asked me out to dinner. So, not one to refuse I covered dinner up in plastic wrap and went out. $30 later I was overly full and my calories were triple what I had prepared for dinner. Fuck, I still have corn on the cob in the microwave. :/ 

My period is late by almost 2 weeks. I know I’m not pregnant but I don’t understand. I’ve gone through the motions. My normal ups and downs of emotions and physical symptoms. I’ve just been waiting and waiting, knowing the minute I don’t wear black undies or back up it will strike. Seriously if you’re a dude you will never understand the fear that you bled through your pants. That you’ll wreck another pair of panties, that you’ll leave a bloodstain on your sheets/blanket/mattress or pillow. It’s damn annoying. 

Ok. I’m going to chug my sleepy time tea. Hopefully pass out then finish up work and decorate my yard for Halloween. I’m seriously behind schedule. Only 30 days til Halloween!!!

Corn Maze!

Featured photo: the corn was so short this year, in my memory of 10 years going to the corn maze, it’s the first time they needed a covering to block your view. 

Today was a day I was waiting for. I hadn’t gone to see IT and our annual corn maze outting. The corn was short, we could see over the blocking they put up and we didn’t bother with the petting barn or hay maze or hay ride. It was nice to be in the sun tho. 

Tomorrow I have a list of to-dos a mile long. We’ll see how far I get through them. I started pulling out makeup to put in my desk. I found so much that I would wear if I had remembered I had it. Go figure. 

It would figure, the Perfect place for the vanity is 1.5″ too small. If I cut off the molding and created a box shape to the desk it Might fit. But I’m not sure that I could make it look good. It’s a tricky thought. 

Tomorrow I also need to start working on a handmade piece of my Halloween costume and a homemade Halloween decoration. That will actually be quite a bit of designing. Fun. 

Ok. I feel like I may have had something profound to say when I started typing but I’m not sure that I do. I guess if I remember I’ll keep you updated. 

Ps. My period app is telling me I’m 8 days late for my period. I know I’m not prego but wtf?