He’s back

Yesterday was the day. He had his sentencing and then he was supposed to meet with me about the project in the afternoon.

I got so nervous I was shaking but luckily he was delayed and by the time he showed up I just acted like nothing. He made quite a few cocky remarks; for instance, “I was pissed off when I found out what happened” and his reply? “Yea I was too” with a shit eating grin on his face.

He made comments about bidding a job through jail bars and bidding on a house for $20,000 but he lost the bid. He did say however he got the bid for the job.

I told him there was no more fun. He promised that he would do a good job, he’s a hard worker and a good worker and I would see.

I gazed into his eyes for probably longer than I should have but he held my gaze as well. He looked a little rough around the edges but still handsome as can be.

Today I took the chance and asked him if he wanted to come with me walking through the campground. It was more date-y than not but it was still work related. He asked for a 30 minute warning and when I gave it to him he turned me down. Claiming he was too crabby.

He did say Sorry however.

Just being around him gets me fucking giddy. It makes me want to be a better person and I instantly feel pretty again.

I could be reading into it, I could be only hearing and seeing what I want to see. But I just can’t believe I’m making this all up either.

I want to marry him still. I’ve never been this stupidly attracted to anyone.

I know I can’t put all my eggs in a basket. Especially this one. But god damnit there is something just magnetic about him.

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Busy

I’ve been so busy with work. Yesterday I was up until 11 pm writing contracts. Today I started work at 7:30 and chatted with a co-worker until 4:30p when another coworker suggested getting dinner. I got noting done. We laughed, we discussed work, it was a good time. I’m now in bed and thinking about the cute boy I met today. Just through work but he was cute. Not hot like the electrician but cute. 

I also heard news about the electrician. When we first reached out to him, my coworker got his vm. It was a girl’s voice. He was in Cancun with his gf. Sooo just before I met him he had a gf. News to me. 

This new guy I’ll see tomorrow but I don’t know if I’ll see him after. I know I’ve seen him on match or tinder before. He’s adorable like a teddy bear. Every time I’d steal glances at him, I noticed he’d look back at me. Cute!

We’ll see if anything comes from it. 

Ill dreaming

I don’t have a picture for today. I didn’t travel for work or leave the house. My friend who I spent the weekend with was diagnosed with the flu. I thought I’d be spared with my vaccine but this morning I got light headed in the shower , nauseated from breakfast and exhausted after 20 minutes at my desk. 

Thankfully I was able to work from home for a quick conference call and sleep the 8 hours of work away. Hello sick day. I woke up to being drenched in sweat, even after kicking off the sheets and the house being at 65. Later the chills, shakes and migraine came. Thank you Excedrine Migrane. My bff. 

After that I felt 80% better. Though, waiting for the excedrine to kick in I took a nap. Long enough for a vivid dream. 

I was sitting at an El train stop. I assumed in Chicago but I didn’t recognize it; it could be any city. I was alone on a bench on the elevated platform. In front of me I could see a yard, a large vacant industrial looking space. There was a large brick building to the right , and to the left I could see tracks to another EL. Those tracks, to the left, they were covered by a wall and roof over the platform. They ended above the vacant industrial yard. Everything was still, almost like a picture. Then I saw the lights of the train from the other tracks. 

I sometimes think of bad endings while I see things. I imagine me not steering around a curve and instead driving off the road at high speeds, I think of the situation of my car veered off a bridge and other disturbing things. I thought, what if the train doesn’t stop, for a split second while seeing the train’s lights coming out of the tunnel from the platform. The next split second I realized it wasn’t a disturbing thought. The train was moving far too fast to stop at the end of the tracks. In horror I watched the train burst past the end of the tracks, and felt my body tense for impact as if I was on that train. I saw the train sail off the tracks and slowly, arch down into the brick building to the right.  

I thought about the people on the train. I thought about how I had to help though there was nothing I could do. I wondered if anyone could even survive the horror I was witnessing. 

Then I woke up. Still dazed and tense. Unsure just yet if it had happened in real life or not. I don’t know why I dreamed it. But it was horrifyingly clear. 

I blame the flu.