sleep schedule

Featured Image: The setting sun reflected on clouds on this soggy Memorial day.

Can you believe its the end of May? I’m getting closer to half way through my year of 37. I think about it every time I get my period – TMI maybe but it’s part of life so deal with it. I realize every time I get my period that its another month that I’ve been alone.

Thankfully, I have been keeping up with my walking. Last night I was playing board games with my friends until 11:30pm. By the time I got home and got ready it was just past midnight when I went on my walk. Technically did I  miss a day? Hell no! I got out at Midnight and still did my mile walk, then tonight at 9 pm I went on a 2.3 mile walk. So I don’t care what time it was – I still did my walks! Today was day 24 in a row.

Today was also a big milestone in me accomplishing goals. I told myself that I would finally vacuum and get out the carpet shampooer and clean all the damn carpets in this place. Memorial Day weekend was scheduled for rain Friday – Monday and it held true. There were weird periods of sunshine followed by downpours. I not only mowed the jungle of a yard during a dry sunny period, but I also cleaned the carpets and by default slightly organized/cleaned my bedroom, guest bedroom, office, and living room. I changed and washed all the bedsheets on my bed and my two guest beds. I washed the dog’s 2 blankets and his dog bed- yes he is spoiled. I emptied container after container and cleared out the carpet cleaner of heaps upon heaps of pet fur sucked from the carpet. It was glorious. Yea, this place was pretty dang gross.

I did think about it during my walks, that on a 3 day holiday weekend and I had planned to clean my house. I got out once, as a 5th wheel for dinner and board games with 2 couples. But at least I got to be social. I still feel good though, better that I take care of my house and get rid of the nagging voice in the back of my head that I have all these things to take care of. I can finally check a bunch off that list. It feels good.

Also I’m leaving in 3 weeks for 1 month. So it’ll be good to have a clean house while I’m gone and the animals can shed all over it for my return. Insert sarcastic tone and annoyed rolling eyes. But still – now I can at least be slightly proud that this place isn’t completely disgusting. It had this winter funk smell that just had to go. I replaced the furnace filter, opened all the windows, and hopefully all that gross fur lying about – well now that its gone – hopefully that will help!

Unfortunately I stayed up late every night and tonight is no different. I’m meeting a contractor and the city at 8 am for a walk through and I have tons of paper work I should do before hand but here it is almost 1 am and Im typing away here rather than sleeping. Sigh, I guess I should try to pass out – yet I’m wide awake.

Well… The other thing I can be happy about – after poor choices the rest of the weekend, today I started the day with a green pepper and spinach omelette, I had some cherries then finally I made BBQ chicken kebabs with green pepper and zucchini, and corn on the cob for a late lunch. Cleaning took most of the night and before I knew it, it was so late and I wasn’t hungry so I skipped dinner.

I know skipping dinner isn’t the best when you want to diet but I legit wasn’t hungry – I had some other snacks, like a yogurt and such. I’m hoping it’s all the fruit and veggies that filled me up but I think just being super busy and a nod to my ever fluctuating hormones helped.

Here’s to a new week, with new challenges – this Friday I’m leaving for Chicago. Driving down for a concert Friday night – which means I need to go on my walk before I leave – early in the morning. Then on Saturday? Will I get it in? I’m staying with friends and going to a street fair – but it shouldn’t be too hard to get away and walk around the block a few times. Sunday I will be driving back. Wish me luck!

Day 12

Featured Photo: a rainbow through the fog and clouds this morning

Today wasn’t specifically a tough day. I woke up early, begrudgingly, to hop in the car and drive 2 hours for a 1/2 hour meeting. After that I got back in the car and drove back another 2 hours. It was rainy, my wipers need to be replaced and one deer crossed the road. Thankfully uneventful.

I started off my day with junk food, I over ate for lunch and decided a yogurt and apple would be a sufficient dinner. After lunch I acquired a migraine. I have a food intolerance to Onions and Garlic and I know the black beans are cooked in onions. I just love them so… but not today. I took some Excedrin and a nap and woke up in time to run out the door and to a meeting at an Engineer’s Office. Luckily I noticed the smear of my right eye’s makeup just before I left my car. Great.

The meeting lasted an hour – I came home and punched out some work and started attempting to back up my phone just to kickstart my replacement warranty phone. Easy? Yea maybe but… 3 hours later it was finally complete. Granted to get into all my apps it means attempting to remember my passwords. At least everything is there.

Today was foggy and cloudy all day with heavy downpours, light sprinkles and just for a minute, a break in the wetness. It really started pouring buckets around 6 pm or so. I debated going to the gym or walking in a deluge. By 10 pm my phone had been synced, I had read through the speech I’m giving in 2 days and realized I need to alter it quite a bit, and I thought – now. The rain had calmed down, it was 10 pm and daylight had left me but I could still go. I grabbed my new rain jacket trench which I was excited to try out and the dog and we started power walking. I was feeling really good about it when I was about halfway through our journey and the sky turned on the spigots. It was a gradual increase from sprinkling to showering to down right pouring water from above. Even my water-loving Lab was not impressed.

The power walking increased slightly and I was about to debate on a light jog when my dog and I noticed the skunk crossing the bridge, looking just as frantic as us to get out of the rain. Of course my dog wanted to meet his new BFF and I wanted none of that. Sorry friend, no friends today!!!

I yanked my dog forward and I took off in a sprint. My shoes and pant legs are soaked but the rest of my body is happily dry. The dog was dripping wet but he enjoyed our towel off petting session. My shins are aching but I officially completed my fastest minute mile so far – 18 min/mile. Yea, yea maybe you do an 8 min mile and that’s wonderful but this fat girl is excited. And let’s be fair – I was just walking the dog with a few sniffing stops and one poop.

12 days straight. I wasn’t about to trip up just yet. Lets get onto unlucky 13 🙂

 

A case of the Mondays

Featured photo: my flat tire

This morning started as a typical day. I woke up late and refused to attempt to bust a move. I waited until the last minute and started on my makeup. I’ve been refusing to leave the house before caking my face. 

I realize that my work email on my phone isn’t working. I run upstairs to my work laptop to see if I’m missing anything but it needs to restart and now I’ll be officially late to meet a contractor. 

I attempt to find a phone number but nothing is listed. I run out the door, hop in the car and the low tire pressure lights up. I don’t have far to go but the tire seems to be making a funky noise. When I get to the meeting place the tire is flatter than flat. The contractor is no where to be seen. 

Thank goodness for a spare and AAA. 

Next I get a call from one of my BFFs. She’s getting married this September. What?! It’s supposed to be next year but she just wants to be married already. Gah! Thankfully it’s here in my town so I won’t have to travel. But what about bachelorette parties, bridal showers, bridesmaid dresses and all the other expense that comes with standing in a wedding. Gah! Wait. What about the weight loss? I’ve got 18 weeks to rock my socks and slim down. No I’m not the bride but F that. I’m better with deadlines than board dates. 

After that I get a call about my brother. My brother decided to quit talking to the family a while ago, as in years ago. He’s texted me randomly with promises to visit but they never come through. 

This call was regarding a complaint. A confidential envelope that he needs to know about. If I said I couldn’t contact him he would get in more trouble. What the hell?

I attempted to call and text but I doubt I’ll hear a reply. 

Now I’m sitting at the tire shop. They were able to repair the screw hole in my tire and now they are replacing the spare with the real tire again. 

I still can’t access my work email. I’m pretty behind on everything but at least I’m getting a replacent cell phone on Monday. The mute switch has been overriding the phone and I’ve had no sound for the past month. Good thing it never leaves my hand, or how would I know what’s happening?

May 4

Featured photo: the lone flower I didn’t transplant to the new flower bed last fall. 

I’m stressed. Work is piling up and for some reason I’m exhausted. Beyond that I realized I promised a good friend I’d come back to Chicago to see a concert in a month. 2 weeks later I’m supposed to be at my parents for their 50th wedding anniversary and 1 week after that I start my 2 week vacation. I also just got tickets to see John Mayer again in September, back in Chicago. 

Besides all the travel and eating out, I pay for a dog/house sitter. It adds up fast. 

Yesterday I went on a hike with good friends. It was incredibly short but my dog came with and he got to run leash free. He loved it. Then we went out to eat. My day was done and I was so tired I immediately went to bed. Sleep was solid and blissful. Unfortunately tho, my house isn’t clean and people are coming over at 6 pm tomorrow. I’ve got walk throughs and paper work. House cleaning and cooking all before 6 pm. 

Sigh. 

I went shopping. I looked at labels, food labels. One small slice of Key lime pie is 65-85% of your daily value of saturated fat. I didn’t buy it. Instead I made chocolate chip cookies and potato chips for dinner.

And I wonder why I’m exhausted all the time….

May complaints

Featured photo: Spring blooms in my yard

Yesterday was May 1st. I thought it would be a great day to implement new goals for the month. But I’ve broken them before I even wrote them down. 

Spending. I need to save money. While I’m slowly paying off my debt I know I could do it faster. I’ve got my credit cards that I keep racking up, my mortgage- he’s not going anywhere, student loans- which are moving slower than a snail, but they can’t repossess my education… so they wait, and my car loan – which I still have 4 years on. 

On top of that I’ve got this diet business. It’s still been snowing- just flurries but cold and wet enough I don’t care to go outside, and I still haven’t been to the gym. I told myself to limit my spending on eating out and junk food. Save money and calories! But May 1st, I blow $25 on lunch takeout. Eating essentially two meals and then going out for a working dinner eating hamburgers and fries. Today is May 2nd. I went to the bagel shop for a pricy cold press coffee, bagel sandwich and threw in a scone. Now for lunch I’m making myself a pizza. At least it’s not take out, right?

Continued on May 3rd. 

Jez, I didn’t even post my complaining yesterday. 

I continued to lay on the couch yesterday until I ate a full box of frozen creamy coconut fruit bars. So much for not eating key lime pie. I just ate my weight in fat and sugar while being a slug. 

Today is sunny and 60, it’ll dive back into the 40s tomorrow but I need to get my ass outside. But first- work. 

Sweets

Featured photo: my salad from an event yesterday. 

I’ve always had a sweet tooth. All my life I’ve loved candy, cake, anything really. 

Today is no different. 

Last night I was invited to a formal dinner. It started with shots in a hotel room, beer and booze, then came the formal dinner but before the dancing began, the group was back in the hotel room taking shots. Somehow we made it to a couple bars before shutting the night down. 

Needless to say today was not easy. I had breakfast at noon with friends and somehow the headache came after that. I got jimmy johns with a coke for dinner delivered. 

A few days ago I saw a tv show where the character couldn’t stop searching for the perfect key lime pie. They ate bite after bite of key lime pie just to dump it because it wasn’t good enough. Watching that was torture. I went out to find something similar at the local bakery but only found a custard filled doughnut. It wasn’t even that good. 

I know I binged on  beer and lunch and dinner in the past two days. I’m also down a few pounds for the first time in a while. I’ve been attempting more exercise, trying to think about what I eat and drinking far more water than ever before. 

So, with that in mind, I’m dying for key lime pie. I’ve thought about the freezer section of the grocery store. I’ve thought how easy it would be to hop in my car and get some. To finally answer that nagging call for sweet tangy creamy dessert.

But instead I think of my diet, and my goal, and how I’d feel better without my massive thighs and big tummy. So I just agonize over how much I want pie but continually deny myself. Part of me is proud and part of me is highly annoyed. 

I hope that if I continue to deny myself the sweets that I’ll eventually lose my cravings. Let’s just hope it doesn’t lead to binging on a whole pie one day.   

The easy life

Featured photo: spring bulbs in bloom

I realized how easy it is to be unhappy, to be messy, to be overweight or unhealthy. 

I realized the relief when the cute guy who I was flirting with left two weeks ago. I know how I’ve acted insane in order for past boyfriends to break up with me. I realized I ran away when the guy I was in love with told me I could move in with him, because running away was easier than attempting commitment. That was 12 years ago. 

I’ve got the tools, time and money to eat healthy, workout and lose the weight. But year after year I’ve lied to myself. I walk around with a scowl on my face because it takes work to smile. 

I promise myself weekends or days to clean my house and somehow find it more a mess than it was before. 

I’ve chosen the easy life. Even my last relationship. I should have ended it before it began. I knew there were issues 5 years before it finally exploded… but the thought of being with a college sweetheart. Getting a career, marriage, house and babies, even a dog right after college- that’s the dream. It was easy. But it wasn’t. It was work to pretend I had the easy path. It was all a lie I told myself. 

I realize I need to work. Work on my life. It’s easy to be single. Not to worry about another person. No wondering what they are thinking or feeling. No keeping the house clean for a potential date or looking good for anyone. 

Not that I’ve started. I’ve taken steps here or there but this week alone I must have eaten 2 lbs of salted peanuts. Excitingly though I got a nalgene and I’ve been pounding water. That’s a plus. 

So here’s to a new thought. Stop being lazy or basking in my laziness. Start working at my life, at my health and relationships. Being easy isn’t the happy choice. You don’t feel fulfilled when something is easy. You feel a rush and get excited after something was difficult. 

Here’s for my next step. Quitting the easy life. 

Week in review 

Featured photo: my cat sitting on my lap last night

Jesus it’s Friday! This week has been super busy and super exhausting. Or I’ve just been exhausted or sick. Whatever it sucked. 

Last week Tuesday I drove 230 miles for a work meeting and after that another 100 something to see John Mayer in concert in Chicago. Wednesday I sat at a friends house all day with nothing but pop and greasy take out. That night we drove another 100 something miles back so I could have a meeting on Thursday. Insert greasy road food and back 100+ miles to a concert – Me First and the Gimmie Gimmes. From there back to the burbs. 

Friday we headed back into the city (60+ miles) to a friends house and a concert. See last post about my night in hell. 

Thankfully that night my friends didn’t die and I crashed in town with them. Wake up 5 hours later, Cubs game at Wrigley, lots of Chicago food staples (Italian beef and deep dish pizza) then downtown for one of my favorite local bands, Lucky Boys Confusion. 

The concert was exhausting waiting for them to headline. By 10 pm that night my feet were killing me and I had over 10,000 steps in; my normal day is 3,000-4,000. But the band came on and jumping was the only way to enjoy it! They were awesome and I was wide awake again!

Back 60+ miles to the burbs, we got home at 1:30 am and I woke at 7 to shower and get to my uncles house whom I rarely see. 4 hours of visiting later and nearly 400 miles I arrived home just before 10 pm on Sunday. 

Since then work work work. Meeting folks at 8 -am Monday was hard.  Walking the city with contractors and taking naps whenever possible. Finally and scarily it’s already Friday with a ton left to do before travel starts on Monday again. I’ve been ordering takeout for every meal this week. Too sleepy to bother shopping or eating healthy. I’ve gained 2 lbs since my last check in and I realize I’m out of breathe far too easily still.  

Today though I’m energetic. Maybe I finally caught up on sleep or maybe that bubble bath put me in my happy place last night. But hopefully I can be a weekend warrior. Get back in the game, go to the gym, eat better, save money and lose some weight. Wish me luck!

Budgets and Calories

Feature photo: today’s Sky in my town. 

I realized my goal for March came and went as quickly as I thought of it. Save money, don’t dine out unless invited, diet, study for an exam and exercise. Basically none of it happened. I racked up my credit cards again,gained weight, ate out a ton, didn’t study,  unsure if I went to the gym once. 

This month my goal will be to clean and keep my house clean. All I need to do is pretend a date is coming over. You want a clean house right? Then, if I get take-out food I must be thrifty. Under $10 unless you’re invited out. That should help with saving money. And by being thrifty I’m hoping I order less food, which helps with dieting! 

Let’s see what I can do. So far my house is still trashed, I ate a boatload of deep fried chicken wings, but it was 1/2 price wings tonight so I got them at a deal. 1 outta… like 5 ain’t bad. 

In the rear view 

I was conscious today of my diet. That didn’t mean I listened. I brought a box of cheerios and skim milk to the hotel. Instead of jetting to McD’s or BK in the morning and tossing back 1000 calories, I’ve had a reasonable bowl of cheerios. For me, that’s a giant step. 

But this morning I was rushed, and tho I gave myself time for cereal, I didn’t make time for coffee. I made a stop at Starbucks and immediately ordered my go to. Iced lemon pound cake and large latte. As I sat in the drive though I read the board. I could have gotten a 5 calorie, cheaper black coffee instead. And the pound cake? It wasn’t in the menu but weight watchers lists it as 21 points. I only get 30 something for the day. Now on top of that I wanted to go to the German restaurant in town. Even still I ate a 15 point sandwich for lunch. Then I argued with myself before choosing the German restaurant although I wasn’t really hungry. I went over my points for the day, I ate double what I should have. 

Things are clearer in the rear view. This is why I’m not losing. This is why I’m gaining weight and I know it. I need to keep acknowledging it. Keep realizing the food, it’s delicious, but it’s not worth being constantly ashamed of your own skin. 

Acknowledgement is the first step to beating addiction right? That’s what I have, a food addiction. 

I caught a picture of the setting sun in my side view mirror. Perhaps somewhere in the middle of the looking ahead and looking behind I can see the sun. I just need to keep focus and see it in front of me each day. I’ll get there.