Wednesday I get a text from Jake the boss guy. He is excited for Friday. I was too. Friday comes and I realized I didn’t clean my house. I procrastinated and procrastinated. I went home for lunch on Friday just to attempt to clean slightly more.
I texted him and we were finally going out. I ran home, threw on a shirt that showed off my boobs but I still had on a hoodie to look kinda chill but also nice?
He may a statement how he was still dirty from work – I thought – ok he’s not trying hard.
I went back and forth in my brain, is this a date or a work thing? I couldn’t tell. Then as we went to get a bite to eat his Baby Mama calls. I really, honestly didn’t know that she was still around. I thought maybe she was downstate. Maybe she had broke up, I really didn’t know.
He told her his parents would drive him home – he would be drinking and his car is busted. He told her not to drive into town to get him.
We ate and joked and it was just a harmless friend dinner. I asked him about the guy I was supposed to go out for drinks with. He told me we needed shots before he could tell me more.
We got shots, we got more beers and we got pretty drunk. He finally admitted that Steve, the guy who asked me out first, and him were talking about how cute I am and how they’d like to double team me. WTF.
I was flattered and offended and mostly drunk but what? Here I am, I thought both of them respected me. I also don’t find myself sexy – I’m literally 100 lbs overweight. I have a big ass and tits and I guess that’s fuckable but I dunno. Seriously?
Then I thought – well hey, he wants to have sex with me. I knew that but didn’t know it was still happening. Then at one point he grabbed my hand to put it on his dick. I grabbed my hand back but I can’t say I wasn’t into it. My friends showed up to the same bar and it was pretty obviously he became jealous when I spoke to my male friend. He had his arms around me, and we were starting to have our hands all over each other. By the time we got to the next bar I was so wasted I shouldn’t have been served. He was denied his drink and just started making out with me. I cant tell you exactly what happened next but he was kicked out of the bar and I found him as he grabbed my hand to walk home and we stopped every so often to grab each other passionately. It was everything I’ve wanted for the longest time ever.
I know at one point he answered the phone to tell someone he would just crash on their couch. I assumed it was his parents who wondered where he was because they didn’t want to wait up to drive him home.
On the way home he pushed me up against a wall to kiss and tell me how much he wanted to fuck me. I couldn’t help but admit and pull his hair and tell him how I’ve wanted to fuck him since the day I met him. He got overly giddy and excited saying I KNEW IT I knew it! The fact that he was so elated to know that I wanted to fuck him made me even more giddy and although I had promised myself that I wouldn’t – that was well out the window now. We started walking again and he grabbed me and started slamming his crotch into my ass – it was hot and I wasn’t even offended though it was a bit rough.
I hadn’t even realized he had pulled his dick out while he attempted to fuck me at an overpass. Anyone that was driving on the highway would have seen it. I told him we needed to get to my house and he said, let me put my dick away.
We stopped a few times while stumbling into each other, sucking on each other’s faces, all the while he kept saying , My dick is so hard! It was a hot, drunken, but passionate endeavor. Then his phone rings. Like 2 houses from mine his phone rings. Like an asshole he always answers his damn phone. I can’t hear much but I can hear a woman screaming. He tells her what street we are on and says my name. MY Name! She knows who I am? He’s never told me about her – He doesn’t talk about her at all and now he tells her he is with me? We’re two houses from mine, he just had his dick out as he tried to fuck me on an overpass 4 minutes ago and now he tells her what street we’re on?
Next thing I know there are headlights and all I can think is some crazy bitch is searching for her baby daddy after he had his dick out on the street. After he got me drunk to tell me how he wanted to double team me with his employee. She pulled up and he said, Get in. Get IN? I said OH HELL NO! And Quickly walked away. I heard him open the door with more screaming. I heard a car squeal away and assumed it was her.
There I was. 2 houses away from fucking the guy I’ve been obsessed with for 1.5 years. Fucking a guy who I know is wrong for me now but I’ve been so infatuated with I was willing to ruin my career for. A guy I knew had a gal at home but I was choosing to ignore. I got inside my house and was partly relieved and partly concerned and partly hoping his relationship would end.
Saturday I was so hungover I was useless. I wanted to text him but I held back. I decided it could wait – we were nothing and it was nothing and it didn’t happen. I kept remembering him telling me how hard his dick was. How much he wanted me. I haven’t had anyone tell me that in a long time though I know this isn’t want I want. I want a relationship. I want marriage and a child. Not a rough fuck and good night.
Today I get a text. He cant find either of his credit cards and wonders if I had an idea. I tell him I have one and ask how his Saturday was. Hungover of course. Then he tells me how Baby Mama wasn’t mad at me and wanted me to know that. She wasn’t mad at me? Wasn’t mad at me for what? For the fact that her baby daddy had his dick out. That she could have caught us all over each other if she was down the road 4 minutes sooner? WTF isn’t she mad at me for?!? I can only assume that he told her something like he was offering me a job at his company – he had mentioned that briefly earlier – which I kinda thought he would want me to work for him. But perhaps he told me this outing was for him to offer me a job and he was walking me home when she came freaking out. I’m assuming she knew nothing about what the entire outing actually was. I’m assuming no one at either bar knew who we were but I can’t be sure.
I’m angry and annoyed and sad all at once. I need to stop. I need to let it go. Then I wondered – does he even remember? Did he black out? He was completely obliterated. I feel the need to tell him tomorrow – maybe sometime next week- who knows when I will have the time to tell him.
It wont matter though. I really don’t know what it could possibly matter. Sigh. My horoscope said that when you have a wish to the universe and it goes unanswered it’s actually the universe blocking something to protect you. Dear lord if his baby mama showing up in the nick of time to prevent me from fucking him – yea that was actually a reallly good sign from the universe.
I guess I can thank some higher power. Now I just need to figure out my life I guess,