Dream man

I’ve been meaning to write since last week. I was in Milwaukee for a week long meeting and it was fun and intense and stressful and upsetting. Oh did I mention painful, I hurt my leg.

It was nice seeing colleagues I hadn’t seen in years. It was great meeting people I had only talked to on the phone. It was fun to be in a click with the Michigan team, even though I’ve belonged to the Wisconsin team for the past 5 years. It was really nice to meet the Canadian team and be flirted with by one of them…

He was tall, long hair swept back, lean and well dressed with a touch of shabbiness to it. You knew he anguished over his style but it was disheveled just enough to look as if he didn’t try- he just looked that good when he awoke. He is from Montreal with a heavy French accent, and he sought me out.

I had stood to make a comment on women empowerment. I received heavy applause and I want to say mostly from the Canadians. One by one they made their way throughout the week to tell me they appreciated what I had to say. But one in general told me several times. He called me woman power. Then he started calling me Beauty, then Darling.

Swoon.

He wanted to go dancing on the last night, he took my hands and pulled me from my chair. I couldn’t if I wanted to though. I had pulled a muscle and I was limping badly. I knew it was for the best but I couldn’t help being sad. I’d love to be wasted and make out with him. He was so sexy and charming and… sigh.

I got back home late Thursday night. I was ready to add him on LinkedIn, ask him to visit me. I just had that intuition though. That doubt and second guessing. I FB stalked him only to find he was married with a small child.

I was crushed and hurt and angry. During our meetings I had scanned the room to find him meeting my gaze. I noticed how, like most of us, sat with our teams, and his team sat across the ballroom from my group; but he always came to my side of the room during breaks, which I would exchange a smile or start a conversation while walking around. I had fantasized about this man during speakers. He had given me pet names, begged me to go out with him, taken my hands and pulled me to him. Had we gotten anywhere alone he could have enchanted my pants to come off without a second thought, all the while, unknown to me, his wife and child waited for him at home.

My friends all say, you didn’t have sex with him so what’s the big deal. They are married; I guess this behavior is normal to their relationship? Granted, he truly did nothing “wrong”, but I certainly wouldn’t appreciate that behavior from someone I was married to. And where the fuck was his ring?

Since then I found myself daydreaming about electron. I realize I’m living in a fantasy and really need to wake up.

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May 4

Featured photo: the lone flower I didn’t transplant to the new flower bed last fall. 

I’m stressed. Work is piling up and for some reason I’m exhausted. Beyond that I realized I promised a good friend I’d come back to Chicago to see a concert in a month. 2 weeks later I’m supposed to be at my parents for their 50th wedding anniversary and 1 week after that I start my 2 week vacation. I also just got tickets to see John Mayer again in September, back in Chicago. 

Besides all the travel and eating out, I pay for a dog/house sitter. It adds up fast. 

Yesterday I went on a hike with good friends. It was incredibly short but my dog came with and he got to run leash free. He loved it. Then we went out to eat. My day was done and I was so tired I immediately went to bed. Sleep was solid and blissful. Unfortunately tho, my house isn’t clean and people are coming over at 6 pm tomorrow. I’ve got walk throughs and paper work. House cleaning and cooking all before 6 pm. 

Sigh. 

I went shopping. I looked at labels, food labels. One small slice of Key lime pie is 65-85% of your daily value of saturated fat. I didn’t buy it. Instead I made chocolate chip cookies and potato chips for dinner.

And I wonder why I’m exhausted all the time….