Exhausted by nothing

Featured photo: more wild flowers from my yard

Friday was my expo I was speaking at. It was announced the night before that 17 people were attending. It was pretty much 17 people who were participating in it. Drag. 

There were speakers about motivation, organization, estate planning… yea uh not exactly construction. 

My part was choppy, unrehearsed and I don’t think I had a main focus or summary. It was emotional and a shit show. 

That’s on me. I didn’t rehearse or even try. 

I spiraled into a pit of self loathing and embarrassment. Why did it hit me so hard? Probably because I knew it was my own fault. I’ve been really procrastinating and I know it’s not good. 

The low I felt from it all was quite the battle wound. Suddenly anything that has been said or emailed to me in the past month came back in a vile attack. A few weeks ago when I was floating on cloud 9; the world was my oyster. Now I was just some gutter slime praying to get washed down the pipe in hopes of a new beginning. 

I spent the weekend on the couch. I forced myself to walk to the farmers market. I didn’t buy anything and I kept my head low and sunglasses on, attempting to not be seen. I walked to a grocery store and ran into friends who wanted to hang out but I declined. 

I went home, cooked, ate, and then the day was done. Sunday was on the couch until 10 pm I forced myself to walk the dog. Day 16 of walking. 

At least I’m pleased with myself about my walks. I’ve got one thing I’m being successful at and I can’t let that go. But where did this instant, crushing depression come from? 

I realized today I’ll be getting my period any minute. That’s still no excuse. I can’t crash into the pavement and lose all hope and joy in my life just from fluctuating hormones. 

Today I’m starting to feel better. Starting to pick myself up and say, Hey! Voice in my head – self loathing and doubt- go fuck your self! There’s nothing to win with those thoughts. 

Tonight I’ll be at a hotel and I have to make sure I get on a treadmill. It’s the one piece I don’t want to disappoint myself in, my walks. 

Only 500 more days until it’s a habit. 😉

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spoiled tofu and dehydration

Featured photo: Sunrise from yesterday

Today started off strong but I slowly let go of my grip on anything and just slid down the spiral.

The rain has been a constant lately. The temps have dropped from high 50s to mid 30s. Its bone chilling outside, damp, cold, grey, unhappy. My newly potted flowers and tulips are dying.

I won’t be shy to say I had a nice day-dream solo session … if you catch my drift. A welcoming to the new day, it was really, really good. I haven’t had relations with a man since my ex. I haven’t even kissed anyone except my pillow, in 2 years. I have however, done pretty well with myself. Wink Wink.
I started out wanting anyone, but slowly realized I wanted no one. I wasn’t over my ex, then I was too depressed because of my ex and now I finally couldn’t care less about my ex and I want to meet someone new… but I have this body issue. I’ve never been this heavy and single. I’ve never been over 200 lbs and attempted to date.

Luckily my personality is shining through, or at least I believe it is – that’s not all bad. I used to think it was all doom and gloom. Guys used to ignore me but I’m talking to guys, and cute ones at that. I think my self esteem is getting better!

Soooo… I got to work, dropped off a thumb drive for prints, dropped off my old broken phone at UPS, stopped at Walmart for new wiper blades, stopped at the food co-op and resisted all the temptations to buy a lot of junk but I did get a PBJ sammie, pita chips and humus, other potato chips and some tofu and veggies.

I planned to come home, fry up the tofu and make a rice noodle Thai dish but I was too lazy. Pita chips and humus and a PBJ Sammie for lunch. I came home and did a bit more work and started on my speech. Yes, that speech I’m giving tomorrow. Then I had to pick up my prints, and that gave me the opportunity to go to the bakery. I got a fruit tart, 2 doughnuts and an almond croissant. Yes. Much more than anyone needs. I ate a donut and started on my tofu prep. But the tofu was spoiled! SPOILED TOFU! I’ve been eating tofu for 15-17 years, I’ve never dealt with spoiled tofu. It upset me so much I ate the other donut and fruit tart, more chips, more humus, more pita chips and I ordered a noodle dish and sushi and a smoothie. Then I ate it all.

My stomach is aching and all I want to do is fall sleep. I feel a little woozy actually. This is what I do when I’m stressed or depressed. I realize I haven’t been drinking water for the past couple days. That makes a lot of sense. No water, feeling overly hungry and not be satisfied.

All I want to do is sit in a hot bath to get rid of the bone deep chill from today but I’m telling myself I must have my walk first. Then I have to practice my speech and make note cards. Then I could take a bath but I should have a full nights sleep because tomorrow the conference is all day long and my speech isn’t until 2 pm.

Well wish me luck. I need to drink more water. I need to think before I eat and I need to keep up with my exercise. Sigh.

Day 12

Featured Photo: a rainbow through the fog and clouds this morning

Today wasn’t specifically a tough day. I woke up early, begrudgingly, to hop in the car and drive 2 hours for a 1/2 hour meeting. After that I got back in the car and drove back another 2 hours. It was rainy, my wipers need to be replaced and one deer crossed the road. Thankfully uneventful.

I started off my day with junk food, I over ate for lunch and decided a yogurt and apple would be a sufficient dinner. After lunch I acquired a migraine. I have a food intolerance to Onions and Garlic and I know the black beans are cooked in onions. I just love them so… but not today. I took some Excedrin and a nap and woke up in time to run out the door and to a meeting at an Engineer’s Office. Luckily I noticed the smear of my right eye’s makeup just before I left my car. Great.

The meeting lasted an hour – I came home and punched out some work and started attempting to back up my phone just to kickstart my replacement warranty phone. Easy? Yea maybe but… 3 hours later it was finally complete. Granted to get into all my apps it means attempting to remember my passwords. At least everything is there.

Today was foggy and cloudy all day with heavy downpours, light sprinkles and just for a minute, a break in the wetness. It really started pouring buckets around 6 pm or so. I debated going to the gym or walking in a deluge. By 10 pm my phone had been synced, I had read through the speech I’m giving in 2 days and realized I need to alter it quite a bit, and I thought – now. The rain had calmed down, it was 10 pm and daylight had left me but I could still go. I grabbed my new rain jacket trench which I was excited to try out and the dog and we started power walking. I was feeling really good about it when I was about halfway through our journey and the sky turned on the spigots. It was a gradual increase from sprinkling to showering to down right pouring water from above. Even my water-loving Lab was not impressed.

The power walking increased slightly and I was about to debate on a light jog when my dog and I noticed the skunk crossing the bridge, looking just as frantic as us to get out of the rain. Of course my dog wanted to meet his new BFF and I wanted none of that. Sorry friend, no friends today!!!

I yanked my dog forward and I took off in a sprint. My shoes and pant legs are soaked but the rest of my body is happily dry. The dog was dripping wet but he enjoyed our towel off petting session. My shins are aching but I officially completed my fastest minute mile so far – 18 min/mile. Yea, yea maybe you do an 8 min mile and that’s wonderful but this fat girl is excited. And let’s be fair – I was just walking the dog with a few sniffing stops and one poop.

12 days straight. I wasn’t about to trip up just yet. Lets get onto unlucky 13 🙂

 

Walk walk walk

Featured photo: tiny wild flowers in my yard 

Today I was bad. I went to Starbucks for breakfast and in two bites consumed my days worth of points. Did I mention I’m on weighwatchers? I haven’t been logging, mostly because I know I’m not eating right. 

But the more active you are, the more you can sub for snacks. And this week I’ve been active! I logged 74 activity points this week. I’m supposed to get 35 and Ive always struggled, but 74!! On the other hand I ate 107 points today. I’m only supposed to consume 38. 

Weigh in day should have been today but I’m planning for tomorrow. I did my walk. My calves are starting to ache. I’m pushing them and I love it. 

Now just to get through this week and edit my speech.  I’m giving a speech on Friday!!!

Goal

Featured photo: Tulips in my yard

Spring is here. The grass needs cutting, the tulips have bloomed, the shrubs are coming up; it’s wonderful. 

I’m on a walking streak. Last Saturday I walked the dog and everyday since I’ve told myself to continue. For my health, weight loss, and not to mention, for my dog!

There were times I’d tell myself that it was too cold, too windy and too icy out. Those excuses have no merit now. I’d tell myself it was unfair to go to the gym and leave the dog bored if I exercised without him. That was a scapegoat lie to myself. I told myself, after one more episode, until it was time for bed. I told myself, I’ll just take a nap then realize I slept the day away. 

Not this week. Not now. I want this and I know the more motivated I get with one small baby step will lead to others. 

Today was very boring. I baby sat a mechanic for 3.5 hours then had to deal with attempting to ship a package. Sounds easy but it wasn’t. I just sat in a chair starring at my phone for 3 hours. 

I had missed lunch so of course I got unhealthy junk food for dinner, turned on the tv and fell asleep by 7pm. I woke up at 9:30 and thought, I need to go for my walk!

It was dark, but warmer than it’s been, high 50s. It had been raining earlier but I bought raincoats to eliminate that excuse. I told myself I needed to charge a light up collar for my dog. He’s a black lab and at night without proper street lights, he’s virtually invisible. But I continued to lay on the couch daydreaming about the sexy electrician. 

By 10:30 I told myself, no more excuses. I got up and boom I was walking. The thing is, I enjoy walking. Getting outside is nice. Granted we took a less scenic route and it was dark out, but it still made me happy. 

I am almost getting to the point I know I will be more upset if I don’t go than finding an excuse to lie to myself about why I can’t. 

I’ve been here before, I’ve had a gym rush, I know it from work out classes. How it’s more of a chore not to go than it is to go. I’m excited. I’ve chosen to walk in the rain, after a long work day and now very late in the day. But I’m doing it. Now just to slowly step it up, eating better and more exercise. Actually hitting the recommended 10,000 steps per day would be nice. 

If you’re stuck in that motivation deprived state, if you’re brain or body are trying to convince you it would be embarrassing to go outside, that you don’t have the right clothes, that people will judge you, etc., just remember – you matter, not others! Remember you are doing it for you, not them. And you’ll never get past that mindset unless you start your journey. Everyone starts somewhere. 

But just do it. Just walk. Around the block, and gradually further and faster. The change won’t happen overnight. And the good vibes might not come as quick for you as they did for me. But believe me, when you realize you are just getting off the couch and doing something consistently for a period of time. You can feel damn proud of yourself. Screw any haters who say it’s not enough. As long as you attempt to go faster or farther after so many sessions, you’re on the right track. Just don’t push yourself so far you get discouraged or injured. It’s your journey. No one else’s, just you!

Let’s do this!

A good streak

Featured photo: a flower I was given today 

A month ago a very attractive boy spent a few hours chatting with me and telling me he liked me. A week ago a sub asked me if I wanted to get naked. Today a chubby teenager bought me a shot. I’m flattered Universe. Truly I am. But let’s look into the big picture, the long haul… but legit my ego needed the stroking and I appreciate it. 

I can’t keep recapping my sext from a guy I deem hot… or can I? 

Point being I’ve blogged about all this before. Except for today. Today I saw the hot electrician. He was somehow more hot, more adorable, just more. Swoon. We pretended nothing happened and he left quickly. 

I needed a drink after work. Of course,to chat about all this. 

My friend and I go to the local bar. Nothing fancy, just a local bar that is usually mellow. Not today, it was packed. We said we’d only have one drink there and move on. While we were attempting to talk, a obviously drunken young male interrupts our conversation to ask what some fruity shots were. Immediately I was interested in the challenge. I bartended for a few years in college and at Weddings girls would always want some “fruity” drink. This is an obnoxious request. The issue being, I have no idea what you like, what you think I’ll make you, and I’m not about to have you tell me it’s gross and refuse to pay. Luckily I had a couple recipes that seemed to be drunk girl approved for the situation. 

So, I start digging back into my brain. I mentioned one and told him what was in it. He said, that sounds weak. I said then order some damn whiskey!

He continued with his plight for a fruity shot. Finally one was chosen… and then he gave them to us. 

Now, I’ll say, slick move bro. You got into our conversation, you ordered us a drink we wanted and hooked us cuz you didn’t give us the chance to shoot you down and save your money. Now I felt obligated to talk to him but let’s be real. Sorry dude but I’m still not interested and buying me a not “weak” shot isn’t going to help. I’m not that drunk. 

He attempted to buy me another drink or even order me a water, which was sweet of him. I really did feel bad attempting to be nice but also trying to show him there was nothing happening. My friend was chatting it up with someone else. We had a bit of a conversation by kicking each other under the table. I knew she knew I wanted an out but she was talking to a friend who was leaving town. 

When we said we were leaving he asked where? Like, what? After all the signs you’re still trying? One shot can’t take you that far! Luckily we left and he didn’t follow. Oh yea, and he was the fat 12 year old. Cruel I know, but he was just so young. His pushiness made him less attractive. 

Her husband joined us later and dissected my sext from the hot electrician. It was everything I knew and didn’t want to believe. For him to be that bold, he just wanted sex. He called it, ‘humped and dumped’. 

He thinks we both handled the text professionally. And obviously if any things going to happen it needs to start very slow. 

So, as much as I pictured our wedding and two children, it’s back to the drawing boards. Hmm. Maybe I’m the fat 12 year old, trying to get the gold medal by just being wishful based on a drunken rouse. 

But it was a good laugh and still an ego boost for me. I feel like I haven’t been hit on in years and now 3 times within a month. May sound like how many times you get hit on in an hour, but I rarely go out. I stay in a corner talking to my friend, all my friends are married so I don’t have a wingman. Other times we just hang out at someone’s house. So it’s a big deal for me. 

I’ve also walked my dog 7 times this week. Today will be number 8. It feels really good. 2 miles each time but yesterday was 3 miles. I’m really hoping I can start to drop some weight and continue to increase my confidence. It’s a good feeling. 

A case of the Mondays

Featured photo: my flat tire

This morning started as a typical day. I woke up late and refused to attempt to bust a move. I waited until the last minute and started on my makeup. I’ve been refusing to leave the house before caking my face. 

I realize that my work email on my phone isn’t working. I run upstairs to my work laptop to see if I’m missing anything but it needs to restart and now I’ll be officially late to meet a contractor. 

I attempt to find a phone number but nothing is listed. I run out the door, hop in the car and the low tire pressure lights up. I don’t have far to go but the tire seems to be making a funky noise. When I get to the meeting place the tire is flatter than flat. The contractor is no where to be seen. 

Thank goodness for a spare and AAA. 

Next I get a call from one of my BFFs. She’s getting married this September. What?! It’s supposed to be next year but she just wants to be married already. Gah! Thankfully it’s here in my town so I won’t have to travel. But what about bachelorette parties, bridal showers, bridesmaid dresses and all the other expense that comes with standing in a wedding. Gah! Wait. What about the weight loss? I’ve got 18 weeks to rock my socks and slim down. No I’m not the bride but F that. I’m better with deadlines than board dates. 

After that I get a call about my brother. My brother decided to quit talking to the family a while ago, as in years ago. He’s texted me randomly with promises to visit but they never come through. 

This call was regarding a complaint. A confidential envelope that he needs to know about. If I said I couldn’t contact him he would get in more trouble. What the hell?

I attempted to call and text but I doubt I’ll hear a reply. 

Now I’m sitting at the tire shop. They were able to repair the screw hole in my tire and now they are replacing the spare with the real tire again. 

I still can’t access my work email. I’m pretty behind on everything but at least I’m getting a replacent cell phone on Monday. The mute switch has been overriding the phone and I’ve had no sound for the past month. Good thing it never leaves my hand, or how would I know what’s happening?

Work and sex

Featured Image: part of the coast guard ship in the harbor

Just last night I was on here, about to put fingers to keyboard, digital letters to computer screen… but then I got a text.

I was about to talk about how proud I was that I had been walking my dog. Each day of the weekend, even though Saturday I had a mild hangover. Monday night and especially Tuesday night after a 13 hour work day which included 8 hours of exhausting driving. I was so excited I might be making a new healthier habit for myself. Even if it is just walking but I’m walking every day – 2 miles.

But that wasn’t very interesting once I saw my phone.

If you hadn’t seen my previous post, I’ll recap.

I work in construction. I am a female construction manager. We are currently developing a project in my hometown. It can be intimidating at times being the only female on a job project in a sea of men. I’ve seen them stare at my boobs instead of listen to me talk. I’ve heard them talk behind my back when I walk past. I am not so hot that I get every man’s attention, but, as they say, and to be very cliche, men will be men.

On the flip side, if you will, I am a female with a sea of men. Not many of them are attractive or my age, but every once in awhile some man comes along that is attractive, witty, fun, caring, and supportive. I may be flirtatious but I have NEVER done anything with a co-worker or subcontractor. I’ve been single for over 2 years now. I’m finally over my ex, and the abuse he put me through. I’ve finally gotten my self-esteem back. I’m wearing make-up and thinking about my outfits. Even though I’m almost 250 lbs, I’m 5’9″ and am lucky to carry it proportionately, though I’ve been told I have huge boobs and a huge ass.

I met with a potential subcontractor a few weeks ago. I was pretty proud of my make up and my outfit choice. The person I had spoken to on the phone sounded young and attractive but I am usually wrong. This time I wasn’t. As soon as I entered his office I felt like we both did a double take. He was my age, amazing blue eyes and very attractive. There was awkward chit chat and he made a big deal of clearing off his desk to discuss the plans. I asked him about his dog. I remember smiling and giggling.  After a few weeks he agreed to go on a walk through to tour the sites.

Everything was typical. I told him what I’d like him to price up. How I’d like him to install things and asked him for his expertise and thoughts on the best way. The last site was a campground and there was a dog. I remember talking to the dog more than him, thinking the poor old dog was abandoned since there were no owners in site. At one point the old fella took off running after moving very slowly and I realized he was chasing a squirrel. While my potential subcontractor was discussing his thoughts for the project I just pointed at the dog and said, “HA Squirrel!” like some strange dog cartoon from a pixar movie. He looked at me and laughed, somehow we finished the conversation we needed to have.

I forced a handshake and to say Thank you. I remember leaving his office, weeks before, by just turning around and walking out. I’m bad about goodbyes when I’m nervous. He asked me if I was done with him and I said, Yes. I knew he thought his prices would be far too high for what we were attempting to do, but he didn’t know the extent behind what we were doing. The dog hopped in his truck with him, which is when I realized the dog I had been telling to find its owner, well, his owner was with us all along.

15 hours later at 6:30am I received a text. “Wanna get naked” followed by “Nothing wrong with two nerds making each other shake”.

Slightly hung over I looked at it, smiled at the thought, because it was from this subcontractor I had just walked with. The one that I made sure my make-up was perfect and tried on a few different shirts before settling on one that showed more skin that I would typically wear around contractors. And I set the phone back down waiting for the text stating that it was the wrong number. Instant apologizes and excuses. I thought about the girl he meant to text. Not a girlfriend, this was someone new, someone he hadn’t slept with before. Maybe a girl he had gone on a date with before? Someone who had gotten to 2nd base but not all the way? Lucky girl regardless… but at 6:30 in the morning? Who made crack of dawn booty calls?

I waited… but no return text.

I looked over that message a 1000 times and shared it with friends who thought maybe I was the person it was intended for. The thought was exciting and brilliant. I couldn’t get the thought out of my head of having sex with him. The thought of us dating and getting married and it all stemming from a steamy text. I know I’m getting ahead of myself but as I mentioned – I’ve been single for over 2 years. I’ve gone on a few pointless dates – one that brought me a second date but it still wasn’t a great date.

I decided to text back something flirty – something to show I’m interested but also something that lets me off the hook if it wasn’t intended for me. I thought I’d text it back first thing Monday morning – maybe he would think it was my work phone and I didn’t check it over the weekend. But after I sent it… nothing. No text back, no acknowledgement. I started to think I shouldn’t have been so flirty in my text, that somehow it could be held against me.

During my work day I was in several meetings in which they talked about how I would be walking him through for different quotes for work. His business is a little more specific. I thought, how will I get through this if he never responds to me again? Did I upset him somehow? I had no idea.

Then, Tuesday night – almost 40 hours after I texted him, I get a response. He thanked me for giving him an easy out but then bared his soul saying he was drunk and lonely. He was a sucker for sparkling eyes, a great smile and humble intelligence. He thanked me for not making him feel like an idiot.

I immediately texted back that he wasn’t an idiot – more so that we had to continue working together. It was more business than I wanted to text him – especially after the compliments. A cute, smart, successful guy was not only complimenting me but he wanted to have sex with me. Me, a 250 lb train wreck of a person… well the 250 lb part he could see but perhaps I hide the fact I’m a train wreck…

He told me work would be fine and then I said that the text had me smiling all weekend. I hoped it was enough to let him know I was interested but work was complicated. I spoke with him today and we both rushed the conversation, stepping on each others words. I’m attempting to set up another walk through, a way I’d be able to see him again.

It’s ridiculous that I think about feminism all the time. I think about how men treat me on the job site and some of the rude things I’ve heard them say. I think about these things and how I was essentially sexted by a potential subcontractor and I’m over the moon about it.

My friends are telling me to go for him and not accept his bid. They understand that I can’t have an intimate relationship with someone I’m attempting to bid on my project. They are excited for me to have someone that is attracted to me and nice, and I’m equally if not more attracted to him.

How do you deal with it all? Here I am trying not to combine sex and work but its really hard. And who is this guy that is so bold to ask if I want to get naked with him but so vulnerable to admit he was drunk and lonely. All I want to do is have sex with him and cuddle and make us both feel better about life. Now I need to figure out my next steps. It was far more easy when I could tell myself that text wasn’t for me. But now that I know it was for me… now that’s the hard part.

Work phones and sexting

Featured photo: a text I woke up to

Yesterday was the 5th of May. Every year I pull out the quesadilla maker I got for free from my Best friend’s-ex boyfriend’s-roommate who moved out and left it behind. Yup. Free quesadilla maker. 

I had quite a spread of veggies, beans, peppers and tons of cheese. Friends brought ice cream, salsa, chips, re fried beans. My vegan friend brought his fake cheese. 

We ate, we drank, I swore a lot when talking about our one mutual friend who has chosen to ignore us all, and it was fun.  This morning I got a text message. It was more spicy than the jalapeños I had chopped up from last night. 

This text was from a cute boy, he’s got an old dog that’s adorable, he brings him to work with him. We walked through the camp ground, which isn’t opened yet, talking and walking with his dog. 

But. 

This cute guy is a potential sub contractor. That walk… that was for work and the talking was about quotes for work I’d like him to do for a project, and not a personal contract. He texted at 7 am on a Saturday. I guarantee this text wasn’t for me. 

I’ve gotten texts that weren’t meant for me before. My only phone is a work phone that I can use for personal because I pay a small monthly fee for it. It is dangerous having it on me at all times, butt dialing my boss while drinking, worrying I shared my personal social media with business contacts, etc. Also, I work in Construction. I’m a female manager working, usually, with all men. Balancing what is legally sexual harassment and just un-PC jokes is a daily part of my job. But I handle it all with a touch of, ‘this is construction’ and ‘am I actually offended?’

I’ve gotten a text saying, “I love you” or “I’ll see you soon” but never something so sexual. Every time I’ve replied, ‘haha this isn’t for me’ but this was still different. Most times the text came from someone I knew was married, that I had been working with for a while and we had a working relationship that we could laugh it off. This one is from someone I’ve met twice, googled and realized is single and a similar age. I think he’s really cute. So part of me wouldn’t mind if it was actually meant for me but…

It wasn’t sent drunkenly, it was sent at 7am. There was no sort of context to make it make sense. Being that he’s cute and I’d wish it was meant for me… I still haven’t responded. I didn’t say , hey this wasn’t meant for me. I thought he’d speak up but nothing. 

I think I have to respond, maybe on Monday? Maybe just ignore it? I just don’t know what to do. 

I feel like I’m making it more awkward for myself. I’m not offended by it, honestly it makes me more attracted to him. But how do you separate work and personal? How do you coexist when one wrong documented text can be held against you and your career? I haven’t figured that out. 

May 4

Featured photo: the lone flower I didn’t transplant to the new flower bed last fall. 

I’m stressed. Work is piling up and for some reason I’m exhausted. Beyond that I realized I promised a good friend I’d come back to Chicago to see a concert in a month. 2 weeks later I’m supposed to be at my parents for their 50th wedding anniversary and 1 week after that I start my 2 week vacation. I also just got tickets to see John Mayer again in September, back in Chicago. 

Besides all the travel and eating out, I pay for a dog/house sitter. It adds up fast. 

Yesterday I went on a hike with good friends. It was incredibly short but my dog came with and he got to run leash free. He loved it. Then we went out to eat. My day was done and I was so tired I immediately went to bed. Sleep was solid and blissful. Unfortunately tho, my house isn’t clean and people are coming over at 6 pm tomorrow. I’ve got walk throughs and paper work. House cleaning and cooking all before 6 pm. 

Sigh. 

I went shopping. I looked at labels, food labels. One small slice of Key lime pie is 65-85% of your daily value of saturated fat. I didn’t buy it. Instead I made chocolate chip cookies and potato chips for dinner.

And I wonder why I’m exhausted all the time….