Friday the 13th

They say another Friday the 13th won’t happen in October until 2023 or something. I’ll be 43. Sigh. 

My day was fine. I met with my hot electricians mother. Now this may seem weird or maybe you have no idea what I’m talking about. There was an extremely hot electrician that I was having bid on work for a project my company was putting together. He thought the work would be too much and never make the project, then texted me at 6 am asking if I wanted to get naked. I sssumed he just sent the text to the wrong person but he admitted (with a slew of compliments) that it was for me while he was drunk. And the question became, who is still drunk at 5 am? Usually I’m long pasted out at that point. 

Unfortunately my company was still interested in his bid, so I did not pursue him personally though the flirting (mutually) continued. For 1/2 year. Until he stopped texting me. The contracts were signed, work to be started and he was no where to be seen. His business is family owned. That’s where his mom gets involved. I’ve spoken with her quite a few times. And I’ve met her multiple times. Shes told me all about the family. Praising and explains that the son I had been dealing with had no children and wasn’t married. Excellent. 

Unfortunately it was in the news 2 weeks ago, he was arrested for several things, mostly possession of cocain. COCAIN. wtf. 

I had to make a very awkward call to his mother asking if the business would be ok and such. We got through it. She was pleasant. I felt horrible for asking. I really like his mom and his brother. His dad is ridiculously handsome for being older. That honestly has nothing to do with the rest but it’s still a legit statement. 

Yesterday I met her and she asked that we take a ride to another project site. While In my vehicle she told me all about how she became a master electrician. That she was one of the first in the State of Michigan. I now had even more respect for her. Then she brought up her son. She said she saw him and he looks a ton better. I wanted to ask what’s going to happen? Will he go to Prison? Is he still in jail? Was the cocain his? Wtf? But there’s work and there’s personal life and as damning as it is I really try to keep them separate. Plus, I just had a crush on her son. I dreamt I’d marry him but honestly we’re not even “friends”. Yet somehow I’m remarkably sad that this has happened. 

We stopped back to her car and I kept talking to her, somehow managing to bring him back up and her to talk. I remember saying, “Is he…” I wasn’t even sure how I could finish the question, or which question to ask but luckily she knew. She looked me in the eyes and said point blank, “My son has had a cocain problem for sometime”. 

Immediatly I could feel my face contorting to a look of shock mixed with sorrow. I think I softly said, I didn’t know, while looking at the ground. She told me he’s still in jail, she won’t bail him out but things are looking good for him and he’s looking better. His mood has improved and he is more positive. He immediatly asked about his two small newphews. He perked up when she started talking about the project because that is his life and he loves it. 

She told me she doesn’t know when he got into it or how. That his girlfriend had a problem with alcohol and they had recently broken up. He went downhill from there. Then with him in Milwaukee. She just really wasn’t sure what happened. 

She looked me in the eye a few more times, almost trying to find the answers for herself if I was a user. I don’t remember what she was saying but it was more of a mothers look, are you in trouble? Did you start this trouble? I remember looking away and talking softly again saying how much he helped me understand his scope. That we were texting a lot. I knew he was in Milwaukee, he had told me. 

In the end she told me, she saw her son in there, the old personality, caring about his family and the business and not hallowed out and robotic. I told her I was really happy, really good to hear he’s doing well. She told me it would be a year before he’s back. He’s staying in jail then going to rehab. 

It was a good conversation. It was one that isn’t between contractor and their sub. But that’s how it’s been all along. I really like this family. Maybe more than I should. 

Maybe it wasnt a spooky haunted Friday the 13th. Or maybe it was. I just can’t spend a year thinking about the one guy who I clicked with so immediatly. The one I share so many interests with. The one who understands the stresses of my job. The one who we started a disagreement and both got slightly heated with a misunderstanding but quickly resolved it. The one who was nothing like my ex. The one who loves kids and wants a family now. The one who I can’t stop thinking about when he’d keep stealing glances at me during a meeting and said my name every single time he’d say goodbye. 

Fuck man. 

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Back in the saddle

I’ve rejoined the dating world. I promised myself I wouldn’t until I was comfortable with my weight but when will that day come? I don’t want to wait forever. I’m still spinning around with my head cut off trying to stay afloat. 

So I’ve joined match, tinder, okcupid, bagelmeetscoffee, and bumble. You think I could find somebody but I live in a very small area and sure there are guys old enough to be my dad liking my profile. There are 20 year old kids wanting to be friends which makes me wonder if there’s a mental disability there. It’s just weird. I had one conversation. He asked for my number, I got his and never heard from him again though he promised to text me the next day. So be it. Life in the dating world in 2017. 

I joined all the sites hoping to find my electrician. The job was under way and he seemed to be off the project. I thought it was my shot to pounce but his profile was gone. I had hoped to see him somewhere. I thought I had seen him at beer fest, with a girl but it didn’t look romantic. We seemed to be starring at each other and he even moved closer but I never got close enough to determine if it was him. Sigh. 

We had a meeting with the utility in town and one of the guys is completely my type. Tall, heavier set guy with a classically attractive face. Very manly. I had hopes of dealing with him more but that doesn’t seem to be happening. He’s on match and tinder but I had swiped left on him cuz I thought he might work for something with this project. I was very right. Sadly I don’t think he’s been on the website. I believe I saw him at the grocery store butt he was with a small child and a woman. I’m hoping it’s his sister but there is no way of knowing. Sad. 

In other horrific news, you know my electrician? The one I just mentioned above? The one I had deemed so perfect. The one I turned away though I wanted him so badly. The one I vowed to marry? He was arrested two weeks ago. Evading police, expired tags on his vehicle and cocaine with intent to sell. I can’t even fathom it. He may/probably will get prison time. Prison! He didn’t seem that stupid, I thought he was brilliant, he was caring and funny, witty… who am I kidding I thought he was the best of the best and interested in me. ME! But he may have been on coke. Maybe that explains the late night texts. The ballsey attitude by phone but in person the shy demeanor. Who knows. There were two other guys in the car with him. Two 21 year old which doesn’t make sense. He just should have known better. I’m incredibly sad. For me, for his family, for the business. I can only hope he gets his shit straight. I honestly wish him the best. He had a huge house, was co-owner and president of a well respected busy business. He was hot beyond my understanding. Now he’s probably going to prison for a felony. Wtf man. I just dunno. 

Other than the lack of dating life, though I’m out in full display… I’ve just been busy. Work is nuts. I’m attempting to get stuff done before the snow flies. I feel like I haven’t seen much of my friends except for a fire in my backyard last weekend. I cleaned my house just in time to trash it again. Luckily I actually got my yard decorated for Halloween and I feel pretty good about it. I’ve sold my dresser and replaced it with a vanity. I sold some Halloween decorations that only gave me stress by blowing over or away. My promotion went through, sadly with no back pay as I was hoping but it’s definitely more money which is great. Hopefully I can get my shit together enough to start yoga, loose some weight, find a new dad for my cats, they are my ex’s after all, and maybe have a date for New Years. 

The one thing I can thank my electrician for its giving me enough self esteem and finding self love in order to start the search for love. Maybe I don’t end up with him. Maybe he wasn’t right for me, but the universe still allowed him into my life to boost my spirits and remember that I can bag a hot guy. I’m smart, funny, beautiful, and fun to be around. I’m worth a good guy who can see it. I just have to see the good in him as well.

Busy

I’ve been so busy with work. Yesterday I was up until 11 pm writing contracts. Today I started work at 7:30 and chatted with a co-worker until 4:30p when another coworker suggested getting dinner. I got noting done. We laughed, we discussed work, it was a good time. I’m now in bed and thinking about the cute boy I met today. Just through work but he was cute. Not hot like the electrician but cute. 

I also heard news about the electrician. When we first reached out to him, my coworker got his vm. It was a girl’s voice. He was in Cancun with his gf. Sooo just before I met him he had a gf. News to me. 

This new guy I’ll see tomorrow but I don’t know if I’ll see him after. I know I’ve seen him on match or tinder before. He’s adorable like a teddy bear. Every time I’d steal glances at him, I noticed he’d look back at me. Cute!

We’ll see if anything comes from it. 

It’s been a few

Hmmm. I lost my motivation, fell off the bandwagon, I kinda failed at keeping this updated.

I got back from my trip and got slapped in the face with the life I had waiting for me back home. I got swallowed up by work and fell into a stressed out hole. I’m attempting to reemerge.

What’s happened, jeez since vacation. Hmmm. Let’s go backwards. Today my boss called me and he had requested a promotion for me and I guess it just went through! Comes with a decent salary increase so, yea, whoo!

Last weekend was one of my best friend’s wedding.  It was incredibly small with all married couples except for the groom’s little brother. I didn’t include a date since it was such a small wedding. Luckily I worked my way into conversations and entertained myself. I will say, even though there was no one to flirt with and I was surrounded by married couples discussing married life facts, I wasn’t jealous or bitter or annoyed. I was truly happy for both of them. Later that night a friend saw me out. She told me I looked good, that I genuinely looked happy, I had a glow. I have to admit, I can’t tell you why but I am happy. I’m single, overweight, almost 40, and I’ve got credit card and student loan and all sorts of other debt, but I’m happy. It’s weird to think of but it feels good. The groom’s lil brother told me I was a beautiful woman and then kissed me. I dodged the lips and he only got my cheek. It was awkward but in a way I was still excited someone wanted to kiss me.

The weekend before I went down to Illinois to visit a friend and see John Mayer again! As we were sitting in the seats we had purchased months before, my friend suggested we see how much of a discount front row tickets were going for on stub hub. More than 1/2 price! So we figured with the cost of our original tickets and the new tickets it was still less than the face value of front row tix, so we got them!!! The show was great, we were still far away from him since it was a huge amphitheater stage and we were on the far side while he stayed in the middle. It was still amazing.  

The weekend before that was beer fest. Actually that was the week before the wedding and John Mayer was 3 weekends ago. Well whatever, two friends came up for beer fest. It was a drunken awesomeness per usual. I ran into a ton of people I haven’t seen in forever. 
T hat was pretty much my last month. I spent half a week in Wisconsin and half a week in Illinois. Oh wait the weekend before john Mayer I was in Chicago again, that was pretty much another week out of town. There was a bachlorette party weekend type insanity. 

August I can’t remember but I’m pretty sure it was jam packed with catching up on work. The project we had been working on passed, as in its a real project!

So yea I guess that’s where I am in life. Things are busy but really good. Maybe I can keep up with this update too. We can only hope. Maybe clean my house too, or we shouldn’t get too crazy just yet. 

Vacation, finally

Featured photo: the 55′ Green Giant Statue in Blue Earth MN. 

Well. Last week was insane. We spent 69 hours in the office working on our proposal. Our longest day was 18 hours and the shortest was 12.  I don’t even want to talk about it except to say, Thank God that’s over… for me at least. 

I left, after 12 hours on Friday and drove 6.5 hours to my friends house. After a week of no sleep, then 4 hours of sleep we got on the road finally Saturday AM. 1/2 a day later than we wanted. We finally stopped randomly in Blue Earth MN. After stopping to see the Field of Dreams movie set in Iowa. Our camping site was odd, small 9 site spot in a fairground, but cozy. We reek like campfire smoke since we barely could get a fire going. It was so humid here condensation set on everything and the wood was damp. 

So far lots of laughs. Today we’re heading for the Bad Lands National Park then Mt. Rushmore and Yellowstone. Super excited for all of it!

Especially after how insane work has been. 

Follow along for more pictures and details. 

Almost the work week: day 2/22

Featured photo: a bridge and sky

Today two of my brothers and their wives, my aunt and uncle, and three nephews came over for breakfast. In typical fashion my Dad kept the TV on as we all ate in their small apartment. There was no talking or enjoying each other’s company. Just watching TV in silence. 

Family can be awkward. 

I stayed until 2 pm then began the drive across the State to the office where we will be working on the proposal. I’m here 5 nights total. 

So far the hotel looks really nice. I’m actually tempted to use the pool. Usually traveling for work there are workers around. Being the only female and the boss I prefer not to be anywhere in my swim suit. But here there are only coworkers from the same company. All are married and not interested in staring at my breasts or (hopefully) not making inappropriate comments about my anatomy or brain or lifestyle. 

In my typical fashion I got to the hotel at 5. Decided to nap and woke up at 9:30 to take out my contacts. I then woke myself up, browsed online, started a text convo with a friend for 1 hour and now it’s 1 am. I’m still sleepy, I haven’t gotten any work done and my alarm will go off in 4 hours. Awesome. 

Good luck to me and the next 4 days. Vacation is hopefully starting in 5 days. 

Out of town: Day 1 of 22 

Featured photo: sunset from my parents town

I meant to leave town yesterday. I thought I’d be here for my parents 50th wedding anniversary surprise party. Yup. Fail bus. 

I’ve been exhausted. I’ve been trying to veg out, be a touch social and still get all my work done. I’ve been working 14 hour days. Working on the weekends and I’m still not prepared for this coming week. 

I thought I could go to the chiropractor and see my dentist for a check up then drive to my parents town 7 hours away on Friday. Easy peasey. 

Insert failbus. Like a huge tour bus of fail. You see, in order to leave from the dentist meant my work had to be done. It also meant on Thursday my house would need to be cleaned and I would be packed for a weekend at my parents, a week in the office downstate and 2 weeks of car camping/ possible backpacking in conditions from 40 degree mountains to 100 degree valleys.

Wanna know how I spent my Thursday night? Working until 11 pm at night. Yup. Awesome. 

Friday I was called to research more items, take pictures and measurements, send emails, answer phone calls etc. I decided by 4 pm I needed a nap then I could pack and drive. When I woke up at 6 pm I vetoed driving for fear of falling asleep. Suddenly it was 11 pm and I had time warped into the future somehow just by sitting on the couch. Still not packed, I went to bed.  Geared to wake up in 5 hours. 

Of course I laid in bed longer than I should, I debated on what to pack and how and finally crunch time came and went and in a hurricane action I threw stuff in bags, threw it in my car and without looking back I left. 3 hours later than I should have. 

I arrived 2 hours late to my parents party. So far on night one of 22 nights away from home, I already think I forgot to pack my glasses. MY GLASSSES! I’ve got at least one pair of extra contacts for the next 22 days and i do not have decent vision. I can’t drive, I can barely walk without glasses or contacts. Hopefully I threw them in my other bag and quickly searching in the dark I simply missed them. Otherwise I pray my dog sitter can express mail them to me. Ekk.  Not going to lie, I’m freaking out. 

Also, remember my sexting subcontractor? He texted me at 3 am again. I sent him a follow up text saying it was unfair he only texted after bar close and he needed to invite me out for a drink. He replied a few hours later, You’re right. I’ll make it up. 

We spoke several times on Wednesday and Thursday about work. I could hear him smiling on the other line, I enjoyed how he said Hello & Goodbye with my name. How we started just saying Hey when answering the phone and smiling. I’m smitten. Fully smitten with this boy. Now I have to wait 22 days before we’re even in the same town. 

22 days wondering if he’s sexting someone else at 3 am. If he remembers his promise to make it up to me or that I even exist. 

Arggg. He’s really really adorable. 

Some people say they met someone and instantly knew they were going to marry them. That they were going to pursue them until it happened. Sometimes I think that I think that about everyone. But I want to say that about this guy. He’s the bees knees. 

Sigh. It’s dreamy just thinking about him. 

Two weeks

Featured image: a calm Lake Superior looking innocent as a swimming pool

Oh Boy. Don’t think I’ve given up on you. I’ve thought about posting. I had thoughts to tell you. But I have been pulling 12-14 hour days for work. 

We’re developing a large project and everyone is out of time. I’m still out of time. In the past, well over a month, I’ve only missed 3 days of walking. Today is my 4th though I was active for work. Well, more than normal. 

Things have been exciting and crazy and drunken. I went to Chicago, saw Everclear, went to a German Fest, ran into an old HS friend. I went kayaking. It’s been 85 down to 52 degrees outside. There have been thunder and lighting storms, rain and full sunny days. Whoo, I mean so much!

But I’m still working. It’s 9 pm. I need to take the garbage out cuz I skipped it last week. I also need to do laundry and more work and dishes and pick up the house for the potential new dog sitter tomorrow. 

Oh yea, and more work. 

I have 2 more weeks before I leave for my epic vacation. But 1 more week before I leave my house to strangers for 3 weeks while they pet sit for me. 

Ekk. 

Ok. Back to work. I’ll be sure to try harder to take a minute to post. Especially while on my trip!

A case of the Mondays

Featured photo: my flat tire

This morning started as a typical day. I woke up late and refused to attempt to bust a move. I waited until the last minute and started on my makeup. I’ve been refusing to leave the house before caking my face. 

I realize that my work email on my phone isn’t working. I run upstairs to my work laptop to see if I’m missing anything but it needs to restart and now I’ll be officially late to meet a contractor. 

I attempt to find a phone number but nothing is listed. I run out the door, hop in the car and the low tire pressure lights up. I don’t have far to go but the tire seems to be making a funky noise. When I get to the meeting place the tire is flatter than flat. The contractor is no where to be seen. 

Thank goodness for a spare and AAA. 

Next I get a call from one of my BFFs. She’s getting married this September. What?! It’s supposed to be next year but she just wants to be married already. Gah! Thankfully it’s here in my town so I won’t have to travel. But what about bachelorette parties, bridal showers, bridesmaid dresses and all the other expense that comes with standing in a wedding. Gah! Wait. What about the weight loss? I’ve got 18 weeks to rock my socks and slim down. No I’m not the bride but F that. I’m better with deadlines than board dates. 

After that I get a call about my brother. My brother decided to quit talking to the family a while ago, as in years ago. He’s texted me randomly with promises to visit but they never come through. 

This call was regarding a complaint. A confidential envelope that he needs to know about. If I said I couldn’t contact him he would get in more trouble. What the hell?

I attempted to call and text but I doubt I’ll hear a reply. 

Now I’m sitting at the tire shop. They were able to repair the screw hole in my tire and now they are replacing the spare with the real tire again. 

I still can’t access my work email. I’m pretty behind on everything but at least I’m getting a replacent cell phone on Monday. The mute switch has been overriding the phone and I’ve had no sound for the past month. Good thing it never leaves my hand, or how would I know what’s happening?

Work and sex

Featured Image: part of the coast guard ship in the harbor

Just last night I was on here, about to put fingers to keyboard, digital letters to computer screen… but then I got a text.

I was about to talk about how proud I was that I had been walking my dog. Each day of the weekend, even though Saturday I had a mild hangover. Monday night and especially Tuesday night after a 13 hour work day which included 8 hours of exhausting driving. I was so excited I might be making a new healthier habit for myself. Even if it is just walking but I’m walking every day – 2 miles.

But that wasn’t very interesting once I saw my phone.

If you hadn’t seen my previous post, I’ll recap.

I work in construction. I am a female construction manager. We are currently developing a project in my hometown. It can be intimidating at times being the only female on a job project in a sea of men. I’ve seen them stare at my boobs instead of listen to me talk. I’ve heard them talk behind my back when I walk past. I am not so hot that I get every man’s attention, but, as they say, and to be very cliche, men will be men.

On the flip side, if you will, I am a female with a sea of men. Not many of them are attractive or my age, but every once in awhile some man comes along that is attractive, witty, fun, caring, and supportive. I may be flirtatious but I have NEVER done anything with a co-worker or subcontractor. I’ve been single for over 2 years now. I’m finally over my ex, and the abuse he put me through. I’ve finally gotten my self-esteem back. I’m wearing make-up and thinking about my outfits. Even though I’m almost 250 lbs, I’m 5’9″ and am lucky to carry it proportionately, though I’ve been told I have huge boobs and a huge ass.

I met with a potential subcontractor a few weeks ago. I was pretty proud of my make up and my outfit choice. The person I had spoken to on the phone sounded young and attractive but I am usually wrong. This time I wasn’t. As soon as I entered his office I felt like we both did a double take. He was my age, amazing blue eyes and very attractive. There was awkward chit chat and he made a big deal of clearing off his desk to discuss the plans. I asked him about his dog. I remember smiling and giggling.  After a few weeks he agreed to go on a walk through to tour the sites.

Everything was typical. I told him what I’d like him to price up. How I’d like him to install things and asked him for his expertise and thoughts on the best way. The last site was a campground and there was a dog. I remember talking to the dog more than him, thinking the poor old dog was abandoned since there were no owners in site. At one point the old fella took off running after moving very slowly and I realized he was chasing a squirrel. While my potential subcontractor was discussing his thoughts for the project I just pointed at the dog and said, “HA Squirrel!” like some strange dog cartoon from a pixar movie. He looked at me and laughed, somehow we finished the conversation we needed to have.

I forced a handshake and to say Thank you. I remember leaving his office, weeks before, by just turning around and walking out. I’m bad about goodbyes when I’m nervous. He asked me if I was done with him and I said, Yes. I knew he thought his prices would be far too high for what we were attempting to do, but he didn’t know the extent behind what we were doing. The dog hopped in his truck with him, which is when I realized the dog I had been telling to find its owner, well, his owner was with us all along.

15 hours later at 6:30am I received a text. “Wanna get naked” followed by “Nothing wrong with two nerds making each other shake”.

Slightly hung over I looked at it, smiled at the thought, because it was from this subcontractor I had just walked with. The one that I made sure my make-up was perfect and tried on a few different shirts before settling on one that showed more skin that I would typically wear around contractors. And I set the phone back down waiting for the text stating that it was the wrong number. Instant apologizes and excuses. I thought about the girl he meant to text. Not a girlfriend, this was someone new, someone he hadn’t slept with before. Maybe a girl he had gone on a date with before? Someone who had gotten to 2nd base but not all the way? Lucky girl regardless… but at 6:30 in the morning? Who made crack of dawn booty calls?

I waited… but no return text.

I looked over that message a 1000 times and shared it with friends who thought maybe I was the person it was intended for. The thought was exciting and brilliant. I couldn’t get the thought out of my head of having sex with him. The thought of us dating and getting married and it all stemming from a steamy text. I know I’m getting ahead of myself but as I mentioned – I’ve been single for over 2 years. I’ve gone on a few pointless dates – one that brought me a second date but it still wasn’t a great date.

I decided to text back something flirty – something to show I’m interested but also something that lets me off the hook if it wasn’t intended for me. I thought I’d text it back first thing Monday morning – maybe he would think it was my work phone and I didn’t check it over the weekend. But after I sent it… nothing. No text back, no acknowledgement. I started to think I shouldn’t have been so flirty in my text, that somehow it could be held against me.

During my work day I was in several meetings in which they talked about how I would be walking him through for different quotes for work. His business is a little more specific. I thought, how will I get through this if he never responds to me again? Did I upset him somehow? I had no idea.

Then, Tuesday night – almost 40 hours after I texted him, I get a response. He thanked me for giving him an easy out but then bared his soul saying he was drunk and lonely. He was a sucker for sparkling eyes, a great smile and humble intelligence. He thanked me for not making him feel like an idiot.

I immediately texted back that he wasn’t an idiot – more so that we had to continue working together. It was more business than I wanted to text him – especially after the compliments. A cute, smart, successful guy was not only complimenting me but he wanted to have sex with me. Me, a 250 lb train wreck of a person… well the 250 lb part he could see but perhaps I hide the fact I’m a train wreck…

He told me work would be fine and then I said that the text had me smiling all weekend. I hoped it was enough to let him know I was interested but work was complicated. I spoke with him today and we both rushed the conversation, stepping on each others words. I’m attempting to set up another walk through, a way I’d be able to see him again.

It’s ridiculous that I think about feminism all the time. I think about how men treat me on the job site and some of the rude things I’ve heard them say. I think about these things and how I was essentially sexted by a potential subcontractor and I’m over the moon about it.

My friends are telling me to go for him and not accept his bid. They understand that I can’t have an intimate relationship with someone I’m attempting to bid on my project. They are excited for me to have someone that is attracted to me and nice, and I’m equally if not more attracted to him.

How do you deal with it all? Here I am trying not to combine sex and work but its really hard. And who is this guy that is so bold to ask if I want to get naked with him but so vulnerable to admit he was drunk and lonely. All I want to do is have sex with him and cuddle and make us both feel better about life. Now I need to figure out my next steps. It was far more easy when I could tell myself that text wasn’t for me. But now that I know it was for me… now that’s the hard part.