Featured photo: spring bulbs in bloom
I realized how easy it is to be unhappy, to be messy, to be overweight or unhealthy.
I realized the relief when the cute guy who I was flirting with left two weeks ago. I know how I’ve acted insane in order for past boyfriends to break up with me. I realized I ran away when the guy I was in love with told me I could move in with him, because running away was easier than attempting commitment. That was 12 years ago.
I’ve got the tools, time and money to eat healthy, workout and lose the weight. But year after year I’ve lied to myself. I walk around with a scowl on my face because it takes work to smile.
I promise myself weekends or days to clean my house and somehow find it more a mess than it was before.
I’ve chosen the easy life. Even my last relationship. I should have ended it before it began. I knew there were issues 5 years before it finally exploded… but the thought of being with a college sweetheart. Getting a career, marriage, house and babies, even a dog right after college- that’s the dream. It was easy. But it wasn’t. It was work to pretend I had the easy path. It was all a lie I told myself.
I realize I need to work. Work on my life. It’s easy to be single. Not to worry about another person. No wondering what they are thinking or feeling. No keeping the house clean for a potential date or looking good for anyone.
Not that I’ve started. I’ve taken steps here or there but this week alone I must have eaten 2 lbs of salted peanuts. Excitingly though I got a nalgene and I’ve been pounding water. That’s a plus.
So here’s to a new thought. Stop being lazy or basking in my laziness. Start working at my life, at my health and relationships. Being easy isn’t the happy choice. You don’t feel fulfilled when something is easy. You feel a rush and get excited after something was difficult.
Here’s for my next step. Quitting the easy life.